Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel, the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings.

There's always some manic goings on in the best websoap around, Bates Motel, the soap that makes Triangle look like Dallas.

If you want to learn more about the mad characters then click here. Otherwise read on.....

Or if you want to catch up on the previous episodes (over two years worth) then you'd better visit The Bates Motel Vault

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Next Episode due Saturday the 30th of January

Season 3 Episode 11

Written by Marcus Durham

Continuity Announcer: And later tonight on Television Midlands, our new quiz game,
                      Jim Bowens Win a Million Bullseye. Will the thick
                      contestants gamble away their dreams? Find out later
                      tonight! And now, Bates Motel.

[It's early morning and the camera pans across from the sea to Fairlawns. Michelle
 leaves the main entrance. The Brigadier approaches]

Brigadier: What ho! It's splendid to be alive isnt it?
Michelle: Now I've lost my business and home I'm not so sure.
Brigadier: Well things can only get better my dear.
Michelle: And who is this Mr Daniels?

[In Aldens not so secret rooms behind his office]

Dave: Is this anti-aging machine going to work?
Alden: Yes. It will send you back in time and make you young again.

[Alden flicks some switches]

Alden: Now do I invert the field?... No, I think not.

[Alden flicks some more switches. There is a whoosing sound and a green effect
 takes over the screen]

Alden: Success! And there was me thinking I'd pressed the wrong buttons.

[The green effect goes away and Dave is revealed to be young again]

Dave: At last! Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to watch the repeats of Bates
      on UK Old.

[Meanwhile in the resturant]

Chuck: What was that! It.... it was if we were all travelling through time..
       and look, the resturant is all different! Something strange is going
       on here.
Mariane: It's a Tuesday. These things always happen on a Tuesday.
Chuck: Quick! To the reception area to assertain our predicament!
Mariane: Or we could go to reception to find what the hell is going on.

[Chuck and Mariane run into reception]

Chuck: It's all changed! It's all.... new!

[Alden runs in]

Alden: There's a problem! But get out of here first! Into the bar, it'll be empty.
Chuck: Why the panic?
Alden: I'll tell you in the bar!

[They run into the bar]

Alden: Prepare yourself for a shock.
Mariane: We've seen those picture of you with that Dalek.
Alden: No! Another shock!
Mariane: Oh.
Alden: I think I've accidently flung us all into the far future! I was trying
       to de-age Dave, but it went wrong!

[Dave is in the security office watching television]

TV: And now on UK Old we go back 20 years for another classic episode
    of Bates Motel. A soap classic.
Dave: Ah excellent. The good old days...... Hang on a minute, no episodes exist 
      from 20 years ago... They burnt all the tapes..... And this is the current
      title sequence..... There's something very wrong here, but I can't put my 
      finger on it..

[Back in the bar]

Alden: There's another problem.
Chuck: What now?
Alden: Well, if we're in the future Motel, surely it's staffed by our future-selves?
Chuck: So? Perhaps they can help us? Perhaps they could even give us the racing 
       results so when we return to the 1980's I can be rich.
Alden: You can't meet them.
Mariane: Why?
Alden: Because they'll be a big explosion for no real reason.
Chuck: But they've already spent the effects budget for all the aging make-up
       and CSO needed for our future-selves.
Alden: OK, fair enough. I'll go into reception and see if I can get hold of someone.

[Alden walks into reception. He walks up to the reception desk]

Alden: Hello! Service please!

[The office door opens... Out walks an older, but familier figure..]

Alden: Well, well well. Age certainly hasn't improved you.

Tina: What the hell are you doing here?... No, don't tell me, one of your 
      foolish experiments went from.
Alden: What's up? Mid-life crisis?
Tina: That's rich from someone who's dead.
Alden: What!?!?!?!
Tina: That's the trouble with time-travel. Your future catches up with you.
Alden: You're bluffing.
Tina: That's for me to know.

[Chuck and Mariane walk out of the bar]

Chuck: I take it, it's safe for me to come out?
Tina: You don't mean there's others here? Alden, what have you done?
Alden: Well I assume that everybody who was in the Motel at the time is here.
Tina: But that's a disaster! We can't have people meeting their future-selves.
      It will rip the space-time continum apart.
Alden: Relax, we don't have the budget for the effects.
Chuck: Does this mean I get to meet my future-self?
Tina: No, you got written out fifteen years ago. You went to manage
      a resturant in Switzerland.
Mariane: And what about me?
Tina: Errrr..... ummmm. Don't worry, it was very peaceful. You didn't feel
      a thing.
Mariane: You mean I'm dead?
Tina: Well, you're not dead. Not yet at anyrate.... Dai found you. Gave him
      a right shock. Shortly after he ran off to London never to be seen again.
Chuck: But who is still here?

[Marcus runs in screaming]


Marcus: ARRGHHHH!!!!! 
Chuck: Calm yourself! What's up!
Marcus: It was horrible! It was in the corridor!
Chuck: What was?
Marcus: Me! But it was all old and horrible! I don't want to get old! I'm in 
        the prime of my life!
Chuck: Calm down, I'm, er, sure you imagined it.

[Marcus looks around]

Marcus: Oh no, don't tell me the TV Company have re-fitted the motel again..
        And what's Tina doing here.... and doesn't she look old?
Tina: Oh thank you very much!

[Suddenly Chucks attention is distracted as someone enters through the maindoors]

Chuck: Oh no!

[The person walks up to the reception desk. It's an older Marcus]

Old Marcus: What's going on Tina? And who are these people cluttering up
            the reception of my motel? I won't have it, I simply won't!

[Marcus turns around]

Both Marcus's: Dahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Old Marcus runs off]

Chuck: Oh no, this is going to happen all day! 

[Meanwhile, back in the 1980's at the Bates Motel, Aidan is standing behind the
 reception desk. Michelle enters]

Michelle: Hello? 
Aidan: Can I help you?
Michelle: Can I see someone in charge?
Aidan: That'll be me. Everyone else has vanished. I don't know, I just went
       down to Brownlows cornershop for a bag of sugar.
Michelle: You survived?
Aidan: Eh? Anyway, he's supposed to be open 24 hours a day... But he closes
       at 5.30pm, so I couldn't get any sugar. So I came back here and
       everyone had gone.
Michelle: Oh.
Aidan: And we need to fill out this scene abit so the episode doesn't under run.
Michelle: Oh. Won't the phone ring then?

[The phone rings]

Aidan: Hello, Bates Motel, The West Midlands premiere source of quality board
       and lodgings. Aidan speaking, how may I help you?..... Yes....... Yes.
       .......yes I see........ yes we can do that....... yes........I understand..
       .... and you would like a room.... the name? Nevelez Stevlez? Yes I know 
       it sounds made up, but that's improvisation for you...... yes I know....
       and I'm talking to myself as this phone is not real just like everything
       else in this Motel?..... What do you mean we got all the computers as a job
       lot from Bugs?

[Aidan taps the computer keyboard next to the phone]

Aidan: I see what you mean..... yes, mocked up and unrealistic displays.....
       yes, and a keyboard from a Oric Atmos. When will they learn? Well that's
       enough episode padding for now... Bye.

[Back in the far future]

Chuck: Tina, who else still works here?
Tina: Well Dave is still here. And of course Pete is still in the kitchens.....
      Although strictly speaking I haven't seen him for the past seven years...
      Did they write Jefferson in by the the time you left?
Alden: Who?
Tina: I'll take that as a no then. In anycase, you'd all better find yourself rooms
      until you can get back to the 1980's. And remember, the future is a strange 
      place. 
Alden: One thing.
Tina: What?
Alden: When are we?
Tina: What?
Alden: Madame! What year is thith?
Tina: 2013!
[The camera zooms in on Aldens shocked face as the theme tune fades in]

Storylining by

Marcus Durham, David Lewis, Aidan Folkes, Charles Daniels, Benjamin F. Elliott, Jefferson Eng

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Transmitted from the 16th of January 1999