Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel, the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings.

There's always some manic goings on in the best websoap around, Bates Motel, the soap that makes Triangle look like Dallas.

If you want to learn more about the mad characters then click here. Otherwise read on.....

Or if you want to catch up on the previous episodes (over two years worth) then you'd better visit The Bates Motel Vault

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Next Episode due Saturday the 16th of January

Season 3 Episode 10

Written by Marcus Durham

[The scene, a darkened room in the depths of the Television Midlands building.
 Several people are sitting around a large table. One man speaks out, he is the
 TV stations controller]

Controller: And next on the agenda, Bates Motel.

[All groan]

Voice: Can't we just axe it? It's not as if anyone cares.
Controller: No Michael, we can't. And tell Mr Powell to put that chainsaw away.

[Pause]

Controller: As I was saying, Bates Motel. The ratings have been falling since
            the revamp and I've decided changes need to be made.

[Another voice comes out of the darkness]

Voice: But I was responsible for the changes. I wanted Bates to be more
       modern and commercial.
Controller: Mr John Berk, will you sit down! I'm in charge here and I've had
            an interesting proposal. The old TV company, Midlands Television,
            have offered to make Bates for us for half the amount it costs
            us. They plan to take Bates Motel back to it's glory days, just 
            like when they made it.

[Everybody mumbles]

Voice: And what about the money we save?
Controller: Well I thought about spending it on a new title sequence for Emmmerdalek
            Farm. You know, helicopter shots, orchestral arrangement of the theme
            tune and what have you. And badgers, we must have badgers....... Anyway
            the changes will take place from the next episode, due the 3rd of January.

[A strangely different version of the title sequence fades in to reveal a Red
 Maestro car travelling along a road. This is accompanied by a very 1970's rendition
 of the theme tune as the car is seen winding it's way through country roads until
 it pulls up outside the Bates Motel. Theme tune finishes.]


[Suddenly Marcus rushes in looking shocked]

Dave: What is it?
Marcus: The coastguard just phoned to say a plane has come down just off
        the Irish coast........ They say it was Tina was onboard.

[Everybody looks shocked. Suddenly Marcus is handed a piece of paper from off-set]

Marcus: Er, cast meeting in the main office in five minutes. Including all
        dead characters and characters who have been written out for a while.
Dave: This sounds serious.
Marcus: It is!

[Five minutes pass. In the office the entire current cast has assembled, living,
 dead, written out, or locked up in prison.]

Chuck: I shouldn't be here you know. I'm dead!
Michelle: So am I.
Pete: Och, same here laddie.
Dai: And what about me boyo? I'm in prison for fraud! And I don't even know
     what that is now my brain has reverted back into a simple sheep handler
     rather than a mega intelligent business tycoon. Isn't it?

[Marcus enters followed by Alden]

Alden: I have in my hand a piece of paper than means peace in our time.
Mariane: Eh?
Alden: The new television company has seen sense. They've sacked the new producer
       and have licensed out Bates to be made by another company.
Dave: Who? No don't tell me, it's Crapton?
Mariane: Or maybe we will move to Australia and be made by the people who
         make "The Cobbers Nextdoor"? Grundunundy TV.
Alden: It's more simple than that. We're going to be made by the company who
       used to make us before they lost their franchise. Midlands Television.

Chuck: So what does that mean to us?
Alden: Well, the piece of paper says that there will be a budget review. There's 
        already been a canon review.
Marcus: So the budget will be cut and all the actions of that new producer are
        null and void.

[Chuck runs out into the middle of the room]

Chuck: I'm alive!... I'M ALIVE!

[Chuck runs over and kisses Michelle. She hits him]

Michelle: I think I'd rather be dead.
Mariane: How does that effect Tina? She was involved in a plane crash at the end 
         of the previous episode.
Alden: Easy, we now don't have the budget to shoot all the location scenes so
       we'll just pretend that it never happened.

[Phone rings. Mariane answers it]

Mariane: Hello, Bates Motel. The West Midlands premiere source of quality board and
         lodgings. Mariane speaking, how may I help you...... Tina? You've arrived
         in America safely and will be starting your new job? That's splendid news.
         
[Mariane continues talking while Marcus answers questions]

Dai: And what about me boyo? I'm in prison remember?
Marcus: You're now free to go about your job as the simple minded Welsh handyman.
Chuck: Normality is restored in the Bates Motel.

[The boom microphone swings across shot knocking out Dai, Chuck and Mariane]

Marcus: You can say that again.

[Meanwhile on a luxury yacht off the coast of the village]

Trina: Ah Charles, there you are. I've booked the mooring at Fairlawns.
Charles: Excellent. Little do they know that my stay will be permanent.
Trina: And with the series canon review, I can come back from the dead
       and nobody will be any the wiser.
Charles: Ha ha, I made the right decision in employing you. You will
         do an excellent job of managing Fairlawns for me.
Trina: You mean you've got it?
Charles: The papers were faxed through this morning.

[Back in the reception of the Bates Motel]

Marcus: Why are there black bars at the top and bottom of the picture?
Mariane: From this episode we're in widescreen.
Marcus: You mean they're using new state of the art cameras?
Mariane: No, it means they've stuck some masking tape on the top and bottom
         of the camera lens.
Marcus: Oh.

[Dai enters]

Dai: Miss Alison?
Marcus: Ah, now there might be a slight problem there.
Dai: Why?
Marcus: Alisons dead.
Dai: But she's behind the reception desk.
Marcus: No, that's her twin sister from Canada.
Dai: But Miss Alison don't have no sisters.
Mariane: Of course she did. I'm here.
Marcus: Scriptwriters can change things at a whim. And they did, as usual.
Dai: Oh, right boyo.
Marcus: Now go and tidy up around the swimming pool. And then I want all the soil
        in the garden washed. It must be clean!
Dai: Oh, OK.

[Dai walks off]

Marcus: I wonder what Alden is up to. Non of his old tricks I hope.
Mariane: Well Alden does control this Motel now.
Marcus: There will come a time when he won't be making the decisions.

[Marcus walks across reception and enters the main office. Alden is sitting
 at the desk working]

Alden: Have you seen these accounts?
Marcus: Ah well, Tina did those. She wouldn't let me near them.
Alden: Why?
Marcus: Something about an off-shore bank account. Anyway, what does that matter?
Alden: The accounts are a mess. And another thing, what are you doing about 
       Fairlawns. We...... we must destroy them.
Marcus: That's good from someone who owned part of Fairlawns until a few months ago.
Alden: If it's a matter of survival......
Marcus: Survival? Fairlawns never has any guests. I wouldn't be surprised if it
        was about to go under. At least we're filled with non speaking extras.
        Admittedly it is the same two non speaking extras who keep on walking
        past the camera in reception, but we do have guests.

[Dai is outside tidying the swimming pool area. Dave walks into the scene]

Dai: Oh it's great to be back at the Bates Motel isn't it? I must have 
     been away for a long time though, you look terribly old isn't it?
Dave: It was one of Aldens machines. It did.... this to me.
Dai: Oh well, it could be worse.
Dave: What!!!!!
Dai: You remember that man who came to fix the toilets?
Dave: You mean Dave the plumber? I forgot about him. He got near
      one of Aldens machines and experienced some very nasty changes.
      Last I heard he'd entered the Eurosongo Contest.
Dai: What's Mr Alden going to do about you?
Dave: Well he promised to review the situation.
Dai: Oh....... he usually does nothing when he said that.
Dave: Then I must force him to take action!

[Michelle walks into her office at Fairlawns. She is confronted by a stranger
 sitting at her desk]

Michelle: Who are you?
Charles: That's a very good question. But first of all perhaps I should ask
         who you are?
Michelle: I'm Michelle Nire, Managing Director of Fairlawns.
Charles: Wrong, try again.
Michelle: What?
Charles: You are Michelle Nire, ex-Managing Director of Fairlawns.
Michelle: What are you going on about?
Charles: In your absence Fairlawns has been sold to me to pay off your debts.
         You have until the end of the week to clear your office and move out.
Michelle: But this is my life! My home!
Charles: Not anymore. Daniels Enterprises now owns it. And I, Charles Daniels,
         shall run my global business empire from here.
Michelle: I'm finished, what did I do that could have possibly deserved all this.
Charles: That is no concern of mine.
Michelle: But what's happening?
Charles: Change my dear, and it seems not a moment to soon.

[Theme Tune Fades In]

Storylining by

Marcus Durham, David Lewis, Aidan Folkes, Charles Daniels, Benjamin F. Elliott, Jefferson Eng

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Transmitted from the 2nd of January 1999