Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel, the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings.

There's always some manic goings on in the best websoap around, Bates Motel, the soap that makes Triangle look like Dallas.

If you want to learn more about the mad characters then click here. Otherwise read on.....

Or if you want to catch up on the previous episodes (over two years worth) then you'd better visit The Bates Motel Vault

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Next Episode due Saturday the 3rd of January 1999

Season 3 Episode 9

Written by Marcus Durham and Charles Daniels

Continuity announcer: And at 7.30 tonight on Television Midlands we'll be showing
                      some abysimal regional programming as we dare not show 
                      anything important or expensive against Eastenders. But
                      first something that's neither important or expensive.
                      The Midlands premiere source of quality board and lodgings,
                      the Bates Motel.

[The picture fades in to reveal a Red Maestro car travelling along a road.
 A new version of the theme tune fades in as the car is seen winding it's
 way through country roads until it pulls up outside the Bates Motel. Theme tune
 finishes.]

Tina: I vote for me to remain as Managing Director.
Alden: I vote for me to become Managing Director.

[both turn to face Marcus]

Tina: Marcus, you have the deciding vote.

Marcus: I vote for Alden.
Tina: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alden: YES!!!!!
Tina [standing]: But why?
Marcus: There are a variety of varied and complex reasons why. But main one
        is that the script says so. Admittedly it does say so in orange 
        felt tip that doesn't look dissimilar to Alden's handwriting, but the
        script does say that I vote for Alden.
Alden: So Tina, if you could vacate the desk by the end of the day. That is
       my swivel chair now! I rule!

[Alden leaves looking gleeful]

Marcus: Sorry, but there's little I can do.

[Marcus also leaves. Tina sits at the desk looking dismayed.]

Tina: This can't be happening! My Mother worked all her life.... lives for this
      Motel. She only left as she thought I could do a good job. Again Alden has
      squeezed me out. I am a failure.

[Tina looks at the wall in dismay. Suki enters]

Suki: ...... I guessed what had happened when I saw Alden.... You will stay?
Tina: It's impossible. I don't know what I will do.... I may phone some business
      contacts in America. They may give me a job.
Suki: But you will keep your shareholding?
Tina: Of course..... and one day I shall rise again. The day of Alden may be 
      upon the Motel, but I shall return.... Yes, one day....

[Pete is in the restaurant]

Pete: Och, now Mr Chuck has been written out it's my job to look after the
      restaurant! Woe is me! At least they won't kill me.

[Suddenly a giant spike rises out of the floor impaling Pete and killing him
 instantly. Mariane enters]

Mariane: What's that terrible noise? Pete? Pete? Oh well if you're not talking to
         me.... Oh no! He's dead? Who will be next on the new Producers hit
         list?

[Tina is now in the bar drinking sherry.  Aidan is serving her humbly]

Tina: May I tell you something, Aidan?
Aidan: If you wish.
Tina: I'm fed up with this place.  Everything is so horrid, and rude,
      and awful here...get me another sherry..NOW.
Aidan: Yes Tina.  Not a problem.

[Aidan starts to walk back to the bar but she stops him]

Tina: NO!  Don't go.  I'm leaving.
Aidan: Oh so you don't want to sherry then?  Or just one for the road?
Tina: I want the sherry, I'm just leaving for America.
Aidan: Well I better get a mighty big sherry for you if you 
       want one for the road!
Tina: Aidan!  The Sherry isn't going.  No, just me.  I'm going to go and 
      work for "Obviouslymadeupname Hotels" in America.
Aidan: "Obviouslymadeupname Hotels"?  I don't think I've heard of
       them.  Sounds like some Flybynightoperation.
Tina: No, I had the number for "Flybynightoperation Hotels" but 
      when I rang them for work information, they'd gone.
Aidan: Typical!
Tina: Anyway I'm flying out tomorrow evening on a small jet.
Aidan: Really?  Well this is marvellous but..can I get your sherry 
       now?

[Mariane walks in and picks up the conversation flawlessly]

Mariane: They small jet will be flown by my new boyfriend 
          Lindsay John. He's a pilot.
Tina: He's not that chap I saw in reception last week is he? Wearing
      the pilots uniform complete with a T-Shirt that read "I am a pilot"?
Mariane: That's him..... He always wears such nice ties.
Aidan: I should hope so.  Look, this is wonderful plot development
       girls but I really care.  Do either of you
       want a drink or will yet another person walk on with some
       pointless plot observation?

[Dave walks in]

Dave: I say!  The motel looks understaffed now that half of everyone
      are dead or missing or on holiday.
Aidan: Yes the place has acquired the quiet charm that only comes
       after countless people have died horribly or gone off to
       Spain on holiday.
Tina: Oh I think that's awful.
Aidan It is.
Tina: I mean SPAIN, on Holiday!
Dave: I should say something to advance the plotting you know.
Aidan: Oh please don't.
Mariane: Go on, let him have his say.  Someone has to pad these
          things out.
Aidan: You're going to be on a little jet plane tomorrow Tina?
Tina: Yes, tomorrow night.
Aidan: Maybe I should just make some horribly flippant comment 
       about plane crashes, then this whole scene will be removed. Emmerdalek
       Farm had a spaceship crash once. I think the strings must have broken.
Dave: It's almost Christmas!
Aidan: Oh that's good!  Yes Father Christmas getting shot down by
       air traffic control.  Or something about flying head first
       into a 757.
Dave: No!  There's a Christmas party tomorrow night! 
Aidan: Really?  
Dave: Yes and Alden will be buying the drinks under his yearly entertainment 
      allowance.
Aidan: Maybe he can pay for the sherry because it's going to be tomorrow
       night before I even get near the thing.

[Aidan starts to leave]

Mariane: Wait!  There are so many plot elements we haven't dropped
          yet!
Dave: Yes!  I still haven't told you the hidden mysteries of the
      Zarbi Lair Supremeo! 

[Aidan walks out of the shot]

Dave: Oh that's this scene ended then.

Tina: Yes, I will just have to tell someone else about Lindsay John.
Mariane: He's a very smart dresser!  That suit he was wearing last
          night was amazing.  Lovely tie.
Dave: Did you hear the one about the plane that was piloted 
      by the drunken Irish midgets.... Anyway, why do you keep on
      mentioning his ties? If you ask me there something fishy about
      Mr Lindsay John. And I speak as an ex-cast member of the 
      early 80's soap Three Sided Square!

[The following morning in reception Suki is talking to Alden]

Suki: You must stop Tina from leaving!
Alden: No!

[Tina walks out of the office carrying a suitcase]

Suki: Alden, change your mind!

[Tina walks over]

Alden: So I guess this is goodbye.
Tina: For the time being Bates. One day, I shall come back, yes I'll come back.

[Tina leaves]

Alden: So that's that settled, tonight we have a big Christmas party!

[Mariane rushes over]

Mariane: Problem! The viewers are outside and they wish to complain.
Alden: What all of them?
Mariane: Yes! Both of them. Jefferson Eng and Paul Griggs.

[Both walk over]

Alden: What's your problem
Paul: We wish to complain about the state of this soap opera. The new producer
      has killed off all our favourite characters!
Jefferson: And now Miss Tina is leaving, and she's my favourite!
Alden: I can't do anything about that! It's the new producer!
Paul: We're going to hold a protest outside the Motel!
Jefferson: And we've got the support of all the stars!
Alden: We'll soon see about that.

[Outside Paul and Jefferson are holding placards. Which is odd considering that they
 were inside the Motel not 3 seconds previously. Standing behind them
 are Chuck, Michelle and the Brigadier. Marcus pulls up in his car. He gets out.]

Marcus: But.... but.... you're dead!
Chuck: Correct.
Marcus: Ah, I know this. This must be one of those flashback scenes. In a moment
        I'll wake up.
Paul: Wrong! We're protesting for these poor characters to be written back in.
Marcus: Impossible! You can't write characters back from the dead! You're dead,
        your staying dead, and that's just the way it is. You can protest all you
        like.
Michelle: We'll be back, you'll see. The public loves me!

[Marcus gets in his car and speeds off up into the Motel grounds. In reception
 Alden is about to walk into the bar for the Christmas party. Marcus hurries in]

Marcus: Have you seen the protest outside. Chuck, Michelle, Pete, the Brigadier
        and the viewers are holding a protest about the cast cullings.
Alden: Yes I know... It's down to the producer. Now are you coming to 
       my party?
Marcus: No, I've got work to do in the office.

[The party is now in full swing. Alden is serving the suspicious looking
 green punch from behind the bar.]

[Suddenly Marcus rushes in looking shocked]

Dave: What is it?
Marcus: The coastguard just phoned to say a plane has come down just off
        the Irish coast........ They say it was Tina was onboard.

[Everybody looks shocked]

Storylining by

Marcus Durham, David Lewis, Aidan Folkes, Charles Daniels, Benjamin F. Elliott, Jefferson Eng

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Transmitted from the 12th of December 1998

�1998 Marcus Durham and the respective writers of this episode. No part of this episode may be reproduced without prior written permission from David Hunter and Miss Diane. No attempt is made to supercede any existing copyrights.