THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE

THE BATES MOTEL VAULT

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[Dai hastily puts the box down]

Dave: My God, what is that thing?
Dai: It's glowing.

[Dai bends down to pick the glowing object up]

Dave: Don't do it. NO!!!!!!
Dai: AARRRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[Theme tune plays and fades out]

Dave: Dai, are you all right?
Dai [forgetting his accent]: I don't know. I feel very odd.

[The chest slams shut]

[The next morning at 9am in reception. There is absolutely no one 
 about. Tina enters carrying a book, sits down and begins to read]

Tina [to herself]: At least Marcus isn't here. I might get a bit of 
                   peace for a while.

[Marcus enters cheerily, Tina groans]

Marcus: Good Morning! What a fine morning it is. The birds are singing, 
        the sun is shining.
Tina: Why are you so happy.
Marcus: I don't know. I just have this feeling everything's going just 
        great.

[An ominous musical sting plays, Marcus and Tina look around startled]

Tina [to herself]: It won't last.

[Marcus leaves humming a jaunty tune and Tina returns to reading her 
 book. Meanwhile in the restaurant, breakfast is being served. The
 restaurant is unusually empty. This could be because Davros and
 a Dalek are having breakfast]

Davros: Where is my vitamin enriched "Crunchy Kaled Mutant" cereal.
Dalek: I WILL INVESTIGATE.

[The Dalek leaves and heads for the kitchen. Raised voices, especially 
 the Dalek's can be heard.]

Davros: Good!

[Father Rob enters and tries to strike up a conversation with Davros]

Father Rob: DRINK!
Davros: What!?
Father Rob: GIRLS!
Davros [confused]: Er...!

[Father Rob advances on Davros]

[Meanwhile in the Kitchen the Dalek is having an argument with Chuck 
 and Pete]

Chuck: I tell you we don't have any crunchy mutant cereal! I don't even 
       know what it is!
Dalek: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
Pete [Indicating a pot bubbling away on the cooker]: Well laddie, I
     could do you some of my lumpy porridge and put some glass in it
     to make it crunchy.
Dalek: YOU CAN STUFF YOUR LUMPY PORRIDGE.

[The Dalek exterminates the pot. Porridge lands on everything including 
 the Dalek]

Chuck: See, you've annoyed him. You can't call a Dalek laddie!

[Back in the restaurant Father Rob and Davros are singing drunkenly]

[The Dalek, now somehow clean, reenters the room]

Dalek: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! DRUNK AT HALF NINE!


[At the Fairlawns complex, Michelles car pulls up. The Brigadier
 gets out, followed by Michelle]

Michelle: I thought I would show you around the gardens.
Brigadier: Splendid, what!

[They walk over to the garden]

Michelle: To get to the point, I know who you really are.
Brigadier (looking shocked): What?
Michelle: It wasn't difficult. You are Brigadier Nathan Rogers I take it?
Brigadier: Yes, my dear.
Michelle: Then you are the owner of Rogers Holdings?
Brigadier: Look my dear, I don't see any relevence in discussing..

[Michelle interrupts]

Michelle: There is every relevence Brigadier. The management of the Bates
 Motel think that you are an idiotic old buffer who is living his
 retirement out in their Motel. But I know that you are a 
 multi-millionaire businessman, who is not mad, but has a full
 account of all his faculties.

Brigadier: [voice changes tone]: So what if you are right?
Michelle: Why are you staying at Bates?
Brigadier: For various reasons my dear. But I'm not committed to staying there.
Michelle: Would you consider moving to Fairlawns. 
Brigadier: Why would I want to do that?
Michelle: Bates is a sinking ship. Fairlawns is a luxuary complex
          with Motel and marina facilities.
Brigadier: My dear girl, you haven't brought me here just to ask me that.
Michelle: Well, no. I wanted to put a business proposition to you. 
Brigadier: Go on..
Michelle: I need somebody to invest in future projects.
Brigadier: I don't see why not. Put your propositions in writing
           and I'll consider them.
Michelle: What about moving into Fairlawns?
Brigadier: Well, I'd like a look around. 

[Brigadier looks up in the sky and spots an aeroplane]

Brigadier: By jingo, it's an air-raid!
Michelle: What?
Brigadier [diving to the ground]: The Germans! Their attacking!
Michelle: I thought you said you were not mad?

[Back in the Bates Motel, Dave is in security. Dai walks in]

Dai:	(in a plummy voice) How the devil are you old chap ?
Dave:	Dai, what's happened to you, you seem different since you
        came in contact with that treasure chest.
Dai:	Clws (Welsh for pretty). Bocs clws (pretty box)
Dave:	What ????
Dai:	Sorry boyo, I went all funny there for a minute.
Dave:	Lets hope it rubs off on the script.
Dai:	Still looking at those screens ?
Dave:	Yes, I'm bored.
Dai:	I always find it better when they're switched on.
Dave:	I'm on my break, I'm allowed a 10 minute break every two
        hours, union rules.
Dai:	Well, lets hope nothing untoward happens when you're on your break.
Dave:	Now, what could happen in a quiet little place like The Bates Motel ?
(both sigh and look upward a la Bottom)
Dave:	What did you do with the chest, I want to have a got at opening it.
Dai:	My chest, it's my treasure, I'm keeping it.
Dave:	Hey, we found that together, where did you put it ?
Dai:	Somewhere safe, where no-one will ever find it.

[cut to shot of reception, with a large chest-shaped lump in the middle
 of the reception carpet. Meanwhile in the main office, Tina, Marcus and 
 Alden are signing documents]

Tina: Right, all we now need to do is all sign this document.
Alden: Another one?
Tina: This is the main one. Once you've signed it, your time at Bates will be over.
Marcus: We need a witness.
Alden: Why?
Marcus: Because it's the law.
Tina: Who can we ask?

[Alden grabs the sound engineer from off-set]

Alden: How about him?

[Marcus and Tina carry on as if Alden hadn't done anything]

Tina: We could ask Alison.

Alden: I said, what about this chap?
Marcus: Look, leave him alone. He's a sound engineer, he's not supposed to exist!
Alden: Oh.... I knew that.

[Tina presses the intercom. Alison answers]

Tina: Alison, can you come into the office please?

[Alison walks in]

Tina: We need you to witness Alden signing this document.
Alison: What's it about?
Tina: Oh, about 8 inches.

[Alison looks puzzled. Alden, Tina and Marcus sign the document]

Tina: You can go now Alison.

[Alison leaves]

Tina: Goodbye Alden. Don't come back to the Motel or I'll set the dogs on you.
Marcus: We don't have any dogs.
Tina: OK then, I'll set Pete on you.

[Alison is back at the reception desk and is taking no notice of the
 large chest-shaped lump in the middle of the reception carpet. Alden walks in]

Alison: ......of course sir, we'll expect then, bye.
Alden:[sotto voce] I'm finally getting out of this madhouse.
Alison:	Umm, what's that ?
Alden:	Nothing, just talking to camera, um, I mean to myself.
Alison: You want to watch that, it's the first sign of madness.
Alden: The madness is over Alison, I've sold up, I'm leaving Bates.
Alison:	You, leaving, never......what are you up to ?
Alden: [taken aback] W-w-what do you mean, I'm um, not up to anything, I'm
       going to retire and um..keep bees.
Alison:	Go on, pull the other one !
Alden:	I am, I'm going, I'm never going to set foot in this place again.

[Alden turns around to leave, trips over the lump, and goes flying into the revolving
 door, spins around, and comes flying back in, falling over the lump]

Alison:	Back with us already, I knew you couldn't keep away.
Alden: Gnnnnaarrr (and trips over the lump falls out of the door). Who put that
       relolving door there? We didn't have one in the last episode?
Alison: Oh, that will be the continuity department.

[Meanwhile back in the Main Office]

Marcus:	That was too easy.
Tina: What do you mean ?
Marcus:	Alden would never give up without a fight, he's fought us for years
        to wrestle for control of this hotel, now he just leaves, I want 
        to find out what's going on. It's got something to do with that
        seafort he bought, and I'm going to find out what.(he leaves).

[In Security Room, Dave is watching TV.  Marcus enters.]

Dave: I was on my break, union rules.....
Marcus:	Never mind all that guff now, I've got a little job for you.
Dave: Oh yes ?
Marcus:	Alden is leaving the building now, I want you to follow him and
        see where he goes.  Report back to me personally.
Dave: What's it worth ?
Marcus:	You're getting paid aren't you ?
Dave: I reckon double time.
Marcus:	Time and a quarter.
Dave: Time and two thirds
Marcus:	Time a half
Dave: Done.
Marcus:	I have been, now go quickly.

[Dave runs out of security, into reception and falls over the lump]

Alison:	Dave, have you seen Dai lately ?
Dave: Can't stop at the moment, I'll talk to you later....(and falls out the door)

[Later, in the gardens of Fairlawns]

[Michelle walks through some beautifully kept gardens, looking for the Brigadier,
 she comes upon him, sitting on a bench, pretending to machine-gun down trees
 with his walking stick]

Brigadier: dug-a-dug-a-dug-a-dug-a-take that Fritz.
Michelle: Hmmhmmm 
Brigadier: [gets up] Excuse me, good afternoon dear lady, I didn't see you there.
Michelle: Obviously.  So Brigadier, have you made your decision, are you with us ?
Brigadier: Of course me-dear, how could I refuse such a charming lady, in a charming
           place like Fairlawns.
Michelle: We'll make sure you have the best of everything, we might even
          persuade you to invest in our little enterprise.
Brigadier: I'm sure we could come to some sort of...ahem, arrangement.
Michelle: We can draw up contracts later.
Brigadier: I suppose so, my dear. This is certainly a venture that I'd like to
           invest in. Perhaps I might even be able to push some more investors
           your way?

[Theme tune fades in]

[Theme tune fades down]

Michelle: With that kind of investment behind us, we cannot fail. It's about time
	  the Bates Motel had some competition... And we're going to be it!

[Theme tune finishes]

And Introducing:
Michelle Nire

Marcus Durham
David Lewis
Alden Bates

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THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE

THE BATES MOTEL VAULT