THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE

THE BATES MOTEL VAULT

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[It's early morning in reception. The phone rings. Alison answers it]
Tina: Hello, Bates Motel.

[Theme tune plays and fades out]

Tina: Yes sir, certainly. I'll get somebody onto it straight away.

[Tina puts the phone down and then dials a number]

Tina: Hello, Marcus? Yes, we've had a complaint from Mr Soldeed in room 666.
      He ordered room service 2 weeks ago and still nobody has arrived. OK, thanks.

[In the office. Tina is sitting at the desk. Marcus is standing in the middle of the
 room whilst Alden looks out of the window]

Marcus: It's down to Stephen. He deals with room service.
Tina: But he disappeared weeks ago.
Marcus: What happened to him?
Tina: He was sent to the shop to get a bag of sugar.
Marcus: This is ridiculous. Everytime we send somebody to the shop they disappear.
        I'm going to get to the bottom of it!
Tina: But only a fool or a hero would go to the shop.
Marcus: Well I'm going!
Tina: Fool!
Alden: Yeah, fool!
Tina: Shut up idiot.
Marcus: Yes, Alden you idiot!
Alden: Me?
Marcus: Oh, I'm going.

[The scene cuts to reception. Marcus walks out of the office door and over
 to the reception desk]

Marcus: I'm going to look for Stephen.
Alison: At the corner shop?
Marcus: Yes.
Alison: Well it's been nice knowing you. You never know, you might return in
        three years time and be re-cast.
Marcus: What is wrong with everybody?

[Marcus walks over to the main doors]

Marcus: I shall return!

[Marcus walks out of the doors and drives off. A few seconds later a Dalek
 trundles into reception]

Dalek: I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT THE WAITER WHO BROUGHT BREAKFAST TO MY
       ROOM ISN'T VERY WELL!
Alison: What's wrong with him?
Dalek: I EXTERMINATED HIM!
Alison: Very well. Is there anything else?
Dalek: DAVROS WISHES TO HAVE A MEETING WITH MR BATES!
Alison: OK, Mr Bates can squeeze Mr Davros in at 3.30 this afternoon.
Dalek: EXCELLENT!

[The Dalek trundles off. Meanwhile in the office]

Alden: I don't know what to do now.
Tina: Look, stop bothering me. I run this Motel now, not you.
Alden: We'll see.

[The phone rings, Alden picks it up]

Alden: Hello, Bates Motel. Well of course we have rooms..  Oh well, sod off then!

[Alden slams the phone down]

Tina: Oh, who's in a moody then.
Alden: I am not in a mood!
Tina: Whatever you say.
Alden: I'M NOT IN A MOOD I'M JUST A LITTLE TENSE!
Tina: I don't care.
Alden: I need some soothing relaxation. Now where did I put my axe?

[Alden walks out. In the kitchen Chuck and Pete are preparing for lunch]

Chuck: What's that you're cooking?
Pete: Curry.
Chuck: Oh, leftovers.
Pete: Laddie, how dare you imply that I cook leftovers!

[Dai runs in holding something]

Dai: Look! Look! I've just caught a rat!
Pete: Well don't just stand there laddie, put it in the curry!

[Dao obliges]

Dai: You haven't seen Mr Dave anywhere?
Chuck: Why?
Dai: Oh, it's nothing to do with secret treasure buried in the garden.
Chuck: What?
Dai: I don't understand boyo?
Chuck: That's the problem.


[In one of the Motel corridors Alden is lurking]

Alden [to himself]: Now have I got everything? Let's see, axe, Tom Jones greatest hits,
                    oh and washing up liquid. Oh bugger, I've forgotten the washing
                    up liquid.

[A guest approches]

Alden: Hello, would you like to come into my room?
Guest: Why?
Alden: Because you’re an extra and I'm about to kill you.
Guest: That sounds a good enough reason to me.

[Alden shows the guest into the room and he shuts the door. The camera remains
 in the corridor. Suddenly "What's New Pussycat" by Tom Jones can be heard
 accompanied by hacking noises to the beat of the music. When the music
 finishes Alden emerges from the room covered in blood]

Alden: Ahh, soothing relief. Now where can I get some washing up liquid?

[Meanwhile Marcus is driving his car into Kings Oak. He stops at the shop and gets out]

Marcus: So this is where all our staff go.

[Marcus puts his sunglasses on and walks up to the door. Marcus looks up at the sign
 above the shop door. It reads "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here".
 Marcus enters the shop.]

Marcus: Hello? Hello? Is anybody here.

[A familier voice calls out of the shadows]

Voice: I'm here.
Marcus: Stephen!
Stephen: Yep.
Marcus: Still wearing that revolting jacket I see.
Stephen: What do you mean? This is the latest fashion.
Marcus: For 1987 perhaps. Tell me, is anybody else here?
Stephen: Oh yes, lots of people. Amy Handbag, the cleaner.
Marcus: But she died in 1974 after tragically choking to death on one of
        her homemade biscuits.
Marcus: Anyone else?
Stephen: We've also got all of Lorrills husbands.
Marcus: What keeps you here?
Stephen: It's old Mr Brownlow, the shop keeper.
Marcus: But he was tragically run over in a car crash whilst returning from
        the bowls club dinner.
Stephen: He was so angry at being written out that he thought he'd sabatague
         the plot by holding cast members hostage so they'd have to be written
         out of Bates in the most ludicrous way possible. That way you'd never
         see their onscreen demise.
Marcus: That would explain Lorrills second husbands bizarre parachuting accident.
        Tell me, where's Brownlow now?
Stephen: He's behind you.

[Marcus turns around]

Marcus: Er, nice to see you again. Splendid funeral they gave you wasn't it?
Mr Brownlow: Ah, a new arrival.
Marcus: Oh, I'm not staying.
Mr Brownlow: Oh, I think you are staying. I think you're staying for a very long time indeed.

[Camera zooms in on Marcus's shocked face]

[Theme tune fades in]

Marcus Durham
David Lewis
Alden Bates