Welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Stephen is the Head Waiter. Marcus Durham is the Motel manager and David Lewis is Dai the gardener, Miss Alison is the head waitress, Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel, Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the restaurant manager. Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel as well as lunatic guests such as Father Canon Straddling. And Neil Farnham Smith guest stars.
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Next episode due 27th of December
Season 2 Episode 6
Written by: Marcus Durham
Alden [In a dramatic pose]: So you see, I'm back.
[Theme Tune Plays and Fades Out]
Tina: But you never went away?
Alden: You know what I mean. And I intend to win back control of this Motel.
Tina: Hah, too late! The Motel is now under my control and that is the way
it will stay.
Alden: I refute your control!
Tina: Oh do you indeed?
Alden: Yes.
Tina: And what about your wife? Not even she's on your side.
Alden: I'll be rid of her!
Tina: She'll come to no harm whilst she's working at this Motel I assure you!
Alden: This is my Motel, I rule!
Tina [shouting]: Not any more!
[Alden storms out. Meanwhile in the secret rooms behind Aldens study]
Dave: Are you sure we should be in here?
Aidan: Yes, sure. Alden doesn't even remember who he is. He won't be back in
here for a while.
Dave: What would he do if he found us here?
Aidan: Oh, he'd kill us!
[Suddenly the sound of a door opening and closing can be heard]
Dave: What's that?
Aidan: Sounds like the secret door being opened. Somebody is in here with us!
[Back in Tina's office. Suki Enters]
Suki: Somebody has told me that Alden has regained his memory.
Tina: Yes. And he's a mite upset.
Suki: Then it is time for me to tell you.
Tina: Tell me what?
[Dramatic pause]
Suki: I am your Mother Tina.
Tina: But you can't be. You don't look anything like my Mother. I spoke to
my Mother the other day; she's living in Spain.
Suki: I am a Timelord. I have many different incarnations of which I am the
most recent. In my previous regeneration you knew me as your Mother.
Tina: [sounding distressed] I don't understand this!
Suki: I understand. The incarnation you know as your Mother will be returning
to the Motel tonight. She will stay for as long as she is needed.
You will not see me until she has gone.
Tina: But where are you going?
Suki: Well I am Alden's wife. I'm going back to my home.
Tina: Hang on, why did you marry Alden?
Suki: Simple. I want you to own a majority of this Motel, just like I
did before I was forced to sell part of it to Alden. I want to
hurt Alden as much as he hurt me on that fateful day in 1981.
Remember the good times when I owned 60% of this Motel? I was in
charge and Alden and Marcus did the day to day running between them.
20% each they owned back then. Now you only own 20% and Alden owns 60!
But I can turn that around. As his wife I own half of everything he
owns. I can boost your share of the Motel to 50%!
Tina: That explains much. Tell me, will you stay for the Christmas party later today?
Suki: No. I must leave before then.
Tina: Well goodbye for now...And thanks.
[Suki leaves the room just as Alison enters carrying a teatray]
Alison: What's up?
Tina: [sounding very happy] It's Mother..
Alison: Yes?
Tina: She's coming back!
Alison: Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs! What are you going to do about Alden?
[Tina reaches down to her drawer and pulls out a bottle]
Tina: We'll use these?
Alison: Happy pills? You haven't been taking them again have you?
Tina: No. But we could crush them down, order a meal for Alden and then
sprinkle them all over the meal. You could then take the meal
to Alden's office and he'll eat it.
Alison: OK. What time does Lorrill arrive?
Tina: I don't know. So I suggest we get a move on.
[In Aldens domain, footsteps are approaching Dave and Aidan]
Aidan: Now is not the time to panic.
[Alden comes around the corner]
Alden: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!
Dave: Now is the time to panic. RUN!
[Aidan and Dave run straight past Alden.]
Alden: Come back. Come back or I will destroy you.
Dave [in the distance]: You'll destroy us anyway!
[Dave and Aidan run straight out into Alden's office and straight out
through the door. Alison walks in carrying a tray. Alden
runs in through his secret door]
Alden: Er, you didn't see that.
Alison: See what [as the door closes behind Alden].
Alden: Er, nothing.
Alison: Look, I have enough difficulty remembering my script let alone
you confusing things!
Alden: Fair enough. That looks good.
Alison: Yes, it's your dinner. Now eat it all up!
[Alden starts to eat. Alison leaves. Meanwhile Marcus is standing at the
reception desk. Outside, a taxi draws up. A middle aged red headed woman gets out]
Marcus: Oh my goodness!
[Marcus hit's the Intercom button]
Tina [via the intercom]: What is it?
Marcus: There's somebody outside to see you.
[Alison enters reception]
Alison: I've come in to take over reception duty.
Marcus: And about time. You know Lorrill has just arrived.
[Tina runs out of the office into reception]
Tina: Alison, line up the staff. My Mother is here!
[Tina runs out through the main door]
Alison: Well, I do hope Alden isn't going to do anything silly.
Marcus: Like what?
Alison: Like dressing up in a false nose and learning how to play the banjo.
Marcus: Er, yes.
[Suddenly the boom microphone swings into shot firmly smashing Marcus on
the head. Marcus is knocked out cold. Alison pauses and then
carries on as normal]
Alison: What's that you say Marcus?.. But that's terrible...
Yes!.. I'll get Dai onto it.
[In the garden Dai is carrying a spade. He pulls a small piece of
paper out of his pocket]
Dai: Well, Dave hasn't shown up. I'll start looking for the Kings Oak
treasure myself isn't it?
[Outside the main doors]
Tina: Mother, how good it is to see you.
Lorrill: Well don't just stand there. We've got work to do!
[They walk through the main doors. Alison, Chuck, Dave, Large and Aidan
are lined up. Marcus is still out cold on the floor]
Lorrill: I see standards have dropped around here. And what's
happened to reception.
Tina: Well it was rebuilt after the fire.
Lorrill: Which fire?
Tina: The 1981 fire.
Lorrill: And you haven't redecorated since then?
Tina: Well we had a fire last year, but it was decided to keep the mauve
colour scheme.
Lorrill: Is this all the staff?
Tina: Well it was short notice. Dai's probably in the garden.
Lorrill: And where's the idiot?
Tina: I just said, he's in the garden.
Lorrill: I meant Bates.
Tina: Oh, that idiot. He's in his office. Although we have managed to drug him.
Lorrill: Is there anything else I should know about?
Tina: Well, we've got the Christmas party at 4PM.
Lorrill: Excellent. I'll sing. Where is this party?
Tina: In the dining room.
Lorrill [turns to face staff]: You will all assemble in the dining room at 4PM.
Large [whispers to Dave]: If she's singing, she can assemble in the dining room,
we can assemble in the garden!
Dave: Hang on, where's Dai?
Large: She who must be obeyed said that he's in the garden.
Dave: What!
Large: Oh don't run about like that. I feel terrible.
[Dave runs straight out through the main doors]
[Lorrill walks over to the reception desk and starts talking at thin air]
Lorrill: I see you are still here Marcus.
[Noises can be heard from behind the desk. Marcus staggers to his feet]
Marcus: Er, as I said Alison, nobody has made sure that there is a
Christmas tree in the Dining room. Can you arrange one?...
Hang on, you're not Alison?
[The scene abruptly cuts to Aldens study]
Alden: I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy I can hardly..
[knock at door]
Alden: Enter.
[Alison walks in]
Alison: There's a letter here for you. It looks like your decree nysi..
nyssa.. your divorce papers.
Alden: Nobody would think that you have a degree in linguistics
and advanced semantics.
Alison: Well I had to do something whilst I got over that operation.
Alden: Well yes. I did think 3 years for an ingrowing toenail was
slightly excessive.
[Alden opens the envelope]
Alden: Yes, it's my divorce papers from Mel. I'm now officially divorced.
Alison: So that would mean your marriage to Suki would now be valid?
Alden: Yes, and I'm happy about that. In fact, I want to sing a song.
Alison: No! There's no need to be that happy!
Alden: But I'm happy.
Alison: I'm glad you're happy.
Alden: Well I'm happy that you're glad that I'm happy.
[In the garden Dai is digging. Dave runs up to him]
Dave: What are you doing?
Dai: You didn't arrive so I've started digging.
Dave: Not now you fool! We'll have to do it at night. We can start looking
the next night where there is a full moon.
Dai: Fair enough.
Dave: And don't flash that map around!
Dai: Remember the party is in an hour's time.
Dave: I know, I know.... You were around when Tina's Mother left?
Dai: Yes boyo.
Dave: Why did Tina's Mother leave.
Dai: Oh, I didn't understand much about that. All I know is that
Mr Bates upset Tina's Mother and she left.
Dave: When was this?
Dai: Oh, years ago.
[Back in reception two non-speaking extras are booking in]
Marcus: Yes, here are the keys to chalet 22. Enjoy your stay here.
[Lorrill walks out of the office]
Lorrill: Why are you working at the reception desk?
Marcus: Because there is nobody else to do it?
Lorrill: Why can't Tina staff the desk?
Marcus: Because she's above all that now. This is Alison's job really, but
she's doing some other jobs.
Lorrill: And what about that smarmy restaurant manager?
Marcus: What about him?
Lorrill: Why do you want a foreigner working in there? Its about time
Alison was promoted.
Marcus: Why?
Lorrill: Because she's worked here for over 20 years and she's still
doesn't hold a position of authority!
Marcus: Why are you telling me this?
Lorrill: Tina isn't really capable of running this Motel. Bates may be an
idiot but he's kept this place in reasonable shape. Why haven't
you exerted more authority?
Marcus: Because I can always be outvoted. I manage the day
to day running of the Motel and that's the most important thing.
And besides, I've handed my voting authority over to Tina.
Lorrill: You've done what? I may want Bates out of here but I certainly
don't want my daughter in sole charge, she'll wreck this
Motel in a matter of weeks.
Marcus: She only got the voting rights so that she could become managing director.
Lorrill: We'll have to resolve this matter, but not today.
[Lorrill walks off. Time passes. It is now dark outside. The staff and guests
are beginning to assemble in the dining room for the party. Dave and Large
are sitting in the corner by the tree]
Large: I really do feel ill.
Dave: Do you want a drink?
Large: I'll have a milk stout.
Dave: You don't usually drink that.
Large: I just feel like it.
Dave: I thought you felt ill?
[Pete enters]
Pete: Och, I'm not happy about this. I shouldn't be out of the kitchen.
Dave: Oh, enjoy yourself.
Pete: Laddie, I'll have you know that I haven't enjoyed myself since 1979
and even then it was under duress!
[More people enter. Dave goes to get some drinks. Dai enters. He is dressed
in green rubber trousers and elbow length gloves]
Alison: Yuck, you smell dreadful! And why are you wearing that ridiculous get up?
Dai: Oh, I've just been cleaning the drains.
Alison: Well OK, it's too late for you to change now, Lorrill has just arrived.
[The camera pulls out to reveal that the entire cast has assembled.
A non-speaking extra is sitting at the piano as everybody assembles
in the middle of the room (apart from Large who is still sitting at
the table by the tree). Father Canon Rob Straddling is sitting in a
chair with a bottle of scotch and is shouting at people who get near.
The piano player starts playing "Roll out the barrel" and the staff
and guests sing along. In the corner Large is sitting on his own with
his drink. He takes off his glasses and begins to feel his forehead.
He looks up at the tree, takes a gasp of air and then collapses over
his drink. Nobody notices. The song finishes].
Brigadier: I remember Christmas's long ago. Servants roasting on an open fire.
Alden: Servants roasting on an open fire?
Brigadier: Eh Bates?
Alden: Forget it.
Brigadier: Forget what?
[Lorrill steps out into full camera view]
Download the song that
follows (314k .wav file)
Lorrill [singing]: Oh..We... need a little Christmas, [everybody joins in]
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols and the spirit,
Yes we need a little Christmas,
Right this very minute,
We need a little Christmas now,
Yes we need a little Christmas now.
[Paul McCartney version of the theme theme tune fades in as the credits roll]
Storylining
Marcus Durham David Lewis Alden Bates
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Transmitted from the 13th of December 1997
This episode of Bates Motel is (c) 1997 Marcus Durham and the respective writer of this episode. No part of this episode may be reproduced without express written permission from David Hunter and Miss Diane.