Welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Stephen is the Head Waiter. Marcus Durham is the Motel manager and David Lewis is Dai the gardener, Miss Alison is the head waitress, Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel, Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the restaurant manager. Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel as well as lunatic guests such as Father Canon Straddling. And Neil Farnham Smith guest stars.
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Next episode due 13th of December
Season 2 Episode 5
Written by: Marcus Durham
[Suddenly Alden steps into the road.]
Marcus: Oh my God! NOOO!!!!!!
[Picture cuts to the car approaching Alden at high speed]
[Theme tune plays and fades out]
[In the main Motel office the entire cast have assembled
(apart from Alden and Marcus)]
Tina: We have a problem. The scriptwriters have gone on strike.
Alison: What does that mean?
Tina: It means we don't have any scripts for this episode.
Chuck: Well why don't we just muddle through the best we can.
Alison: Well I hardly read my scripts anyway.
Chuck [in a sarcastic voice]: Really? It doesn't show.
Tina: Anyway, to work. We'll be filming in a moment.
Aidan [interrupting]: I think we already are.
Tina: Shi..
[The scene is abruptly cut to reception. Alison and Chuck rush out of
the office and position themselves]
Chuck: May I have the lunch reservations please?
Alison: Yes...here you go.
[Marcus walks in through the main doors.]
Chuck: Have you seen Alden?
Marcus: Er, I bumped into him earlier.
Chuck: You don't mean "bumped into him" in a fatal accident type way do you?
Marcus: [false sounding laughter] Ahaha. Of course not. Now I must go and
see Tina, we�ve got to give Dai some really important job to
do which he will inevitably mess up resulting in a nasty injury
for somebody.
Chuck: Oh, that sounds exiting.
[Marcus walks through to the office. He shuts the door. The wall visibly
shakes and all the pictures fall down]
Tina: I've just had a phonecall.
Marcus: So?
Tina: It's from Pedro.
Marcus: Who?
Tina: Alison met him on a holiday to Bolivia in 1976.
Marcus: Does this matter?
Tina: He's coming to the Motel today.
Marcus: Er, does Alison know?
Tina: No, lets keep it a surprise.
Marcus: I'll say. Are you sure he's legit? I've never heard of him.
What's going on? Why aren't you worried about Sukey? Why aren't
you asking where Alden is?
Tina: The scriptwriters have gone on strike.
Marcus: Oh. Does that matter?
[In reception. A man in 1970's white suit wearing sunglasses enters. He
looks vaguely familiar.]
Alison: Is that you Stavros?
Pedro: My name is Pedro.
Alison: Yes, yes I remember my dear. Oh those happy days in Greece.
Pedro: Bolivia.
Alison: Yes, I remember it well. You ran off to join a convent and I
never saw you again.
[Pedros wig slips slightly]
Pedro: [on one knee] Alison, will you marry me. [Pedros wig slips further]
[Alison looks shocked]
Alison: [in a dramatic voice] Pedro my love. There is nothing I would
like more. But I'm afraid we cannot. You see, I have this terrible allergy.
Pedro: Tell me my dear, tell me. These things can be overcome.
Alison: I'm afraid I am allergic to men's pyjamas. I could never marry you.
[Pedros wig falls off completely revealing that Pedro is in fact Aidan. Aidan
and Alison carry on regardless]
Pedro (Aidan): Then I'm afraid that this is goodbye.
[Pedro (Aidan walks out of the main door (leaving his wig behind)]
Alison: [shouting] I told you to use more glue!
[The camera centres on Alison. Seconds pass, she looks uneasy]
Director: CUE ALISON!
[Alison begins to weep uncontrollably]
Alison: Oh Stavros, how I will miss you. Boo hoo hoo. [Alison continues to weep]
[In the main office Tina is working at her desk. Chuck enters]
Tina: Have you seen Alden.
Chuck: No. Well, not since this morning. Marcus was acting suspiciously mind.
It wouldn't surprise me if Alden had been involved in a mysterious
road traffic accident involving Marcus and a malfunctioning
cruise control unit.
Tina: Hmm yes indeed. Have you seen Sukey?
Chuck: No. She was outside Aldens study this morning though.
Tina: I don't know what's going on here, but I intend to find out.
[Suddenly a thick wad of paper is thrown from off-set. It hits Chuck]
Chuck: Ouch.
Tina: What's that?
Chuck: It's marked "Bates Motel, emergency script".
[Chuck opens script]
Tina: What does it say?
Chuck: "In event of emergency, burn down Motel, kill several characters,
have an affair and give Dai some job to do which he will
inevitably bodge up".
Tina: Well, Marcus and I have already sorted the last item.
Chuck: You've given Dai some job to do?
Tina: Yes, he's draining all the oil from your car. He'll forget to
put new oil in and then you will have a terrible accident
on the road when the engine seizes up.
Chuck: Excellent. Are there any jobs I can do?
Tina: Well, could you go outside and set fire to the Motel?
Chuck: Sure.
[In Aldens office Aidan and Dave are searching Aldens desk]
Aidan: I shouldn't be helping you really.
Dave: Well Alden isn't here to object. Besides, he has amnesia.
Aidan: And as a personal employee it is my duty to get to the bottom of
all this. I just don't know, I have my doubts.
Dave: Oh, where's your sense of adventure?
Aidan: Well she works in Woolworth's on a Saturday afternoon.
Dave: Don't you want to get to the bottom of it?
Aidan: Yes, but she keeps saying she has a headache.
Dave: No, this I mean!
Aidan: Oh! Um, well, I suppose so.
Dave: So lets continue searching.
Aidan: I know of a secret button that reveals Aldens secret domain
behind a secret door.
Dave: Really. Let's get into Aldens domain then. Perhaps we can find
the information there.
[In reception Alison is still at the reception desk. Suki appears to
be using a vacuum cleaner to clean the floor. Marcus enters. Chuck
leaves the office and walks out through the main doors. Marcus
appears to start talking to Alison, however the dialogue is
drowned out. Marcus begins to shout over the noise]
Marcus: WHAT'S SHE DOING?
Alison: SHE'S HOOVERING THE CARPET!
Marcus: HOOVERING? WHY'S SHE HOOVERING?
Alison: I DON'T KNOW?
Marcus: PASS THE SCRIPT HERE!
[Alison hands Marcus the script. Marcus walks over to Suki]
Marcus: TURN IT OFF!
Suki: WHAT?
Marcus: TURN THE HOOVER OFF!
Suki: SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I'LL TURN THE HOOVER OFF.
[Suki turns the Hoover off. The noise subsides]
Marcus: Why are you Hoovering?
Suki: Because the script says I should be Hoovering the background.
Marcus: No! The script says you should be hovering in the background!
[Outside Chuck is carrying out his orders. Suddenly Father Canon
Rob Straddling runs out of the undergrowth]
Father Rob: GIRLS!
Chuck: No, try the bottom drawer of Aldens desk.
Father Rob: DRINK!
Chuck: Try Aldens filing cabinet.
Father Rob: Canon!
Chuck: Look, there is no need to be abusive. I had better take you
back inside the Motel.
[Meanwhile in Tina is flicking through the emergency script in her study]
Tina: World War 2 bomb found underneath the Motel, that sounds a good
one. Or how about Alden having a son who is an
international terrorist? Oh well, time to go home.
[Suddenly the door opens. It's Alden. He stands with the door half
open as Tina looks on shocked.]
Alden: Good evening Tina.
Tina [shocked]: You remember my name.
Alden: I remember everything.
Tina: Everything?
Alden: Everything!
[Theme tune fades in]
[Theme tune fades down] Alden [In a dramatic pose]: So you see, I'm back. [Theme tune finishes]
Storylining
Marcus Durham Alden Bates
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Transmitted from the 29th of November 1997
This episode of Bates Motel is (c) 1997 Marcus Durham and the respective writer of this episode. No part of this episode may be reproduced without express written permission from David Hunter and Miss Diane.