Welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Stephen is the Head Waiter. Marcus Durham is the Motel manager and David Lewis is Dai the gardener, Miss Alison is the head waitress, Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel, Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the restaurant manager. Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel as well as lunatic guests such as Father Canon Straddling. And Neil Farnham Smith guest stars.
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Next episode due 14th of November
Season 2 Episode 3
Written by: Marcus Durham
[Aidan leaves the room. Suki then sits down at Alden's desk]
Suki: I'm back.. and it's about time.
[Theme tune plays and fades out]
[The next morning in the dining room]
Tina: Marcus, what was going on here last night.
Marcus: Well Aidan said that Aldens wife has turned up.
Tina: And the strange happenings on the rooftop that Dave told me about?
Marcus: That's how Aidan brought himself back from the dead. It's a
precaution Alden had installed after the last Motel fire.
Tina: And what about my plans to become Managing Director.
Marcus: I have one objection.
Tina: Yes?
Marcus: You will not be Managing Director. I wish to abolish that title.
You will merely be Chairman of the board. All I will need to do is
endorse your candidature. Once you are in place things will be as before.
I will have the freedom to vote as I see fit.
Tina: As you see fit?
Marcus: Yes, in the best interests of this Motel.
Tina: I see. I don't find this new proposal satisfactory, but I will go along with
it for now. We'll have the meeting today.
Marcus: But what about Alden? He's in no fit state.
Tina: So, no change there then. I will phone the hospital and get him shipped over.
It's only amnesia.
[Tina leaves the dining room. Chuck walks over]
Chuck: Do you wish to have a table booked tonight?
Marcus: Er, yes. What are you doing back?
Chuck: I'm better now.
Marcus: That arm healed quickly.
Chuck [looking shifty]: ....Yes, it did didn't it.
[The camera angle changes. Alison can be seen holding a tray and standing
completely still at the edge of the picture... Nothing happens. Marcus
and Chuck begin to make gestures towards Alison.]
Director [from off set in a low voice]: Cue Alison!
[Nothing happens. Marcus and Chuck begin to improvise]
Marcus: Um, splendid weather for the time of year.
Chuck [catching on]: Er yes, isn't it.
Director [shouting]: CUE ALISON!
Alison [realising she has missed her cue]: Oh!
[Alison begins to walk forward with the tray, but she trips up spilling its
contents over the floor. However she carries on regardless walking
towards Marcus and Chuck]
Alison: Would you like a cup of coffee?
Marcus [really un-enthusiastcally]: Yes please.
[Alison puts the tray down and begins to pour a cup of coffee. However she
realises that she has spilt all the coffee. She pauses, and then carries
on pouring a cup of nothing]
Alison: There you go.
Marcus: Mmm, lovely thank you.
[Outside in the garden Dai is digging. Dave walks up to him]
Dave: What you digging there for?
Dai: Oh, Miss Tina wants a new flowerbed dug here.
Dave: Yes, but I don't think she meant that you dug a hole five feet deep.
Dai: Do you think so?
[Dave looks down the hole]
Dave: What's that bit of paper down there?
Dai: I don't know. I'll get it out.
[Dai jumps into the hole and passes the map to Dave]
Dave: It looks like a map. A very old map.. It looks like a map of this
area... It's a treasure map!
Dai: [climbing out of the hole] Eh?
Dave : It's a treasure map. It's a map showing the location of the Kings Oak gold!
Dai: Ah, boyo. That's a myth.
Dave: Not according to this map. Look, don't tell anyone that we've found this map.
Dai: What, not even Miss Alison?
Dave: Especially not Miss Alison.
[Meanwhile Alden has just been delivered to the Motels reception]
Ambulance man: Will you sign for him?
Tina: I suppose so.
[Tina signs the piece of paper. The ambulance man takes it and leaves]
Tina: So Alden, would you like to come through to the office?
Alden: Who's Alden?
Tina: You are.
Alden: Oh.. Where are we?
Tina: The Bates Motel.
Alden: Oh.. What's that then?
Tina: It's a place in Kings Oak where people stay.
Alden: Oh.
Tina: So, will you come to the office.
Alden: Where's that then?
Tina: Through here.
Alden: Oh... Who am I?
Tina: [loosing her temper] JUST FOLLOW ME!
Alden: OK... Who are you then?
Tina: AARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
[In Aldens office Marcus has already arrived. Tina enters followed by a
confused looking Alden]
Tina: Alden, you sit down over there.
Alden: [no response]
Tina: Alden, are you listening?
Alden: Oh, me? I'm not Alden.
Tina: Yes you are! Now sit down.
[Alden sits down. Tina and Marcus also sit down]
Tina: Right Alden, just read from that piece of paper in front of you.
Alden: Right.. Erm. Right. I hereby call open the annual general meeting
of the board of directors of the Bates Motel.
Tina: Right, there is only one item on the agenda. The item is the small
matter of who should be the chairman of the board of directors.
I propose that I become the new chairman.
Marcus: I second that.
Tina: So Alden, it's down to you.
Alden: Who's Alden?
Marcus: Look, just put your hand in the air.
[Alden slowly puts his hand in the air]
Marcus: Excellent, motion carried!
[Tina gets up, walks over to Alden and then tips him out of his seat]
Alden: Ow! Why did you do that?
Tina: You are sitting at the chairman's place. I am now chairman, therefore
I sit here. You may sit over there.
[Alden gets up and then sits in the other chair]
Marcus: [getting up and walking over to the executive minibar] Right, who's
for a drink then.
Alden: [pointing at the mini-bar] What's that then?
Marcus: It's a mini-bar.
Alden: Oh.. What's that do then?
Marcus: We keep the drinks in it. Do you want one?
Alden: Yes please.
Marcus: Your usual?
Alden: No, actually I have this headache.
Marcus: I mean your usual drink.
Alden: What's that then?
Marcus: [passing a glass to Alden] Just drink it.
[Meanwhile 200 miles directly above the Motel in the control room of an
advanced spacecraft three Daleks can be seen. Davros enters the control room]
Davros: Report!
Dalek: SPACECRAFT IS IN POSITION.
Davros: Excellent. Prepare to go into landing mode. Destination, Kings Oak!
[Theme tune fades in]
Marcus Durham Alden Bates
THE BATES MOTEL CHARACTER GUIDE
Transmitted from the 1st of November 1997
This episode of Bates Motel is (c) 1997 Marcus Durham and the respective writer of this episode. No part of this episode may be reproduced without express written permission from David Hunter and Miss Diane.