Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[In reception]

Alison [talking into the phone]: Well I don't know. Nobody has seen Chuck
       or Marcus for two hours now. Yes Tina, I understand, but I cannot do anything.

[The Mel clone enters and walks over to the reception desk]

Mel Clone[pulling a gun on Alison]: You will meet my demands, or die.

[Theme tune plays and fades out]
  
[the phone rings] 

Mel Clone: Answer it! 

[Alison picks up the phone] 

Alison:  Hello, Bates Motel. Yes Alden, as it happens I might just have seen 
         your wife. 
Mel Clone: Who is it! 
Alison: Help me Alden! 
Mel Clone [putting the gun to Alisons head]: Put the phone down. 

[suddenly Tina walks in] 

Alison: Get out! 

[Tina sees the gun, the Mel clone turns and shoots at Tina narrowly missing.
 At that moment Alden runs in and tries to restrain the Mel Clone. A struggle ensues] 
  
Alden: I can't find the off switch. 
Alison[from behind the desk]: Well your not going to find it there! 
Alden: Well I  can't help it if this thing is trying to kill me! 

[Alden stumbles, the clone picks up Alden and holds him in the air. Alden
 is still grappling with the clone. With one free hand he grabs at the
 clones hair and with one fell  swoop pulls off the clones red wig revealing
 a big red button marked "power".] 
  
Alden [shouting]: Somebody hit the off switch! 
 
[The clone turns to face the front window and begins to lift Alden backwards
 as if it were going to throw him. Tina runs over and hits the Mel clone on
 the head narrowly missing the off switch. The clone lunges backwards
 and then throws Alden straight through the window] 
  
Alden: Arrrrrgghhhhhhh! [into the distance] 
[The Mel clone picks up the gun] 
Mel Clone: I have destroyed my creator, now I must terminate myself.
           My job is done. 
Alison [from behind the desk]: What do you mean, your job? 
Mel Clone: Aidan programmed me to destroy Alden. My job is done. 
 
[The clone points the gun towards it's head. It fires the gun and
 collapses to the floor] 
 
Tina: So. That’s why it threw Alden through the window. Hmm,
      you had better phone security and get them to dispose of the dead clone. 
Alison: What about Alden? 
Tina: [in a cold manner]: What about Alden? 
 

[In the accommodation block, Dave, Large and Dai are trapped by giant maggots] 
 
Dave: If we could escape from here and then lock the exits, the maggots
      would be trapped here. 
Dai: Oh I don't know boyo. I mean, how do we get out of here isn't it? 
Dave: Simple, we break that rooms door down and then we escape through
      the window. Then we lock all the exits. 
Large: Right we had better break the door down. 
 
[Dave takes a few steps back and then runs at the door, as he is about to hit the
 door it swings open. Dave falls into the room] 
 
Dave[on the floor]: Er, I've done it. 
 
[Dave looks up to see a Dalek and a Cyberman sharing a double bed] 
 
Dalek: FORNICATE! FORNICATE! FORNICATE! 
Dave: Er, would you excuse us! 

[Dave, Large and Dai run through the room and exit via the window] 
 
Large: Well, I tell you one thing? 
Dai: What's that? 
Large: I've never seen a naked Cyberman before! 
Dai: Hang on, what's Alden doing lying on the floor over there? 
Large: Being weird probably.  You deal with it, I've got to deal with these exits. 
 
[Dai runs over to Alden] 
 
Dai: Are you all right? 
Alden: Never felt better. I was just thrown through a plate glass window but apart
       from that I'm fine. 
 
[Down in the depths of the Motel cellar, Marcus and Chuck are acting suspiciously] 

Chuck: What does he mean acting suspiciously? 
Marcus: Dunno, I can't even act. 
Chuck: Look, I think we're on. Better start acting. 
Marcus: [in a stiff manner and suspicious manner]: Er, I think we had better report
        to BOSS. 
Chuck: Yes, his final plans are vital. 
 
[Chuck and Marcus enter a room. As they close the door the lights go on
 to reveal a mass of electronic equipment and lots of 1960's reel to reel
 tape recorders suspiciously fixed to the wall and whirring like crazy.] 
 
BOSS: Ah, Foster, Durham. Come there is much to do. 
Marcus: What is it you require of us? 
BOSS: I require your complete knowledge in order to fill my databanks
      prior to my world take-over. 
Chuck: And how do we do that your Beadleness? 
BOSS: One of you will sit in that chair over there and you will wear the
      special helmet. Durham, you go first. 
[Marcus sits in the chair and puts the helmet on. Suddenly lots of bad special
 effects start and there is a high pitched noise] 
Marcus: Argghhhh!!!!!! 
Boss: The world! Mine for the taking. [growing more manic] NOTHING IN THE WORLD
      WILL STOP ME NOW!!!! 
 
 
[Theme music fades in]