Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[Aidan throws a switch, the door opens and one of the Mel clones walks out.
The Camera follows her out of Alden's cupboard, into his study. Mel then
enters the corridor and suddenly looks horrified]

Mel: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Theme tune plays and fades out]

Soldeed: You fool! What are you screaming at?
Mel: Argghh! Argghh! SCREEEAAMM!!!

[Soldeed turns around to find a giant maggot behind him]

Soldeed: Lord Nimon!

[Mel runs back into Alden's study and into the cupboard]

Alden: Well that Mel works OK. Send out the next one.

[Meanwhile in security Dave and Large are watching Doctor Who videos]

Large: Yeah. This one is really good. It's got Jon Pertwee and lots
       of giant green maggots.
Dave: Look you fool, you've routed the video through the security signal
      for the main corridor. You've got a giant maggot outside Alden's study.
Large: But I haven't put the video in yet!
Dave: Oh no, it's happening for real! We had better get down there!
Large: But Emmerdale Farm is on TV in 10 minutes.
Dave: Set the video then!

[Meanwhile Aidan and Alden have unleashed the second Mel clone]

Alden: What's happening.
Aidan: We don't have any contact with the clone.
Alden: This could be the fault clone.

[At that moment the 2nd Mel clone walks into the empty
 staffroom. It spots a leather jacket and some dark sunglasses. It
 puts on the jacket and then  the glasses. The clone then walks out
 of the door and down the corridor towards reception.]

[Dai and Stephen are talking in the garden]

Stephen: Well I don't know what's happening. Why would the pool
         turn green anyway?
Dai: That’s what I'm worried about. But I can't get any sense out of Marcus
     or Chuck. And Alden has vanished.
Stephen: Well don't let anybody near the pool. I suspect that the green stuff
         is lethal to the touch.

[Suddenly a strange man in a polo neck jumper runs up to them]

Man: Gween! The colour for monsters is gween!

[The man then runs off]

Stephen: What does he mean and where did he come from?
Dai: Must have been a guest. I suspect something is going on down
     at the Motel. I think we should go and have a look.

[They run down to the Motel. As they get closer they hear Dave
 and Large shouting from within the guest block]

Dave: We can't stop it. There's no escape.
Large: The scanner. Their..their..their all around us! Hundreds of them!
Dave: I've.....I've.....I've [whispers to Large] forgotten my lines!
Large:[whispers back] Improvise.
Dave: Er, my what large maggots we have for this time of year!
Large: Yes, the clemant weather conditions have enabled them to grow
       quite big.
Dave: [with a look of relief] Oh look, here comes Stephen and Dai.

[Stephen and Dai run in to be confronted by a giant maggot]

Dai: Arggghhhh!!!
Stephen: I'll go and get security!
Dave: We are security!
Stephen: OK, I'll go and get someone who knows what they are doing!

[Back in Alden's cupboard]

Alden: We had better go and find that clone.
Aidan: I'll stay here.

[Alden walks out into his office. He unlocks his drawer and looks shocked]

Alden: Oh no! Somebody has taken my gun!

[In reception]

Alison [talking into the phone]: Well I don't know. Nobody has seen Chuck
       or Marcus for two hours now. Yes Tina, I understand, but I cannot do anything.

[The Mel clone enters and walks over to the reception desk]

Mel Clone[pulling a gun on Alison]: You will meet my demands, or die.


[Theme tune fades in]