Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

Chuck: Arrghhhhh! It's you. But..but..but.
Stranger: What? I'm dead? You should know better of me Chuck. Your plans
          to destroy me failed, and now I plan to destroy you!
Chuck: But, Alden!
Stranger: Yes, Alden indeed, perhaps you should have thought of that.

[cut to a shot of Alden squeezing the trigger of the gun]
[Theme music plays and fades out]

[Alden pulls the trigger, but rather than go off the gun just clicks]
Alden: Bugger, I forgot to reload after chasing that Welsh idiot off. So Chuck, 
       you win again.
Chuck: Yes, I think I will be stayin' alive.
Alden: But can't you tell from the way I walk I'm a womens man, no time to talk?
Chuck: No. It really depends on for whom the bell tolls.
Alden: I really must curb these urges.
Chuck: Anyway, you wouldn't have killed me, I know to much.
Alden: But you shot me, I now know that.
Chuck: Indeed.
Alden: So it's quits.
Chuck: For now.
Alden: One last thing, don't tell anybody that I'm here and alive.
Chuck: Ok, but you will have to make it worth my while.
Alden: I'm sure I will think of a suitable way to repay you.

[Meanwhile Marcus is still in his office and is fiddling with what
 appears to be a new computer. Aidan is standing beside him]

Aidan: I designed it myself. I call it BOSS.
Marcus: BOSS?
Aidan: Bates Operating System Service.
Marcus: I see.
[Aidan switches on the machine]
Aidan: I've been developing it for quite sometime now. It was Aldens pet project 
       you know.
Marcus: It doesn’t seem to be doing much. It's just got a green line on the screen.
Aidan: Ah, let me just enable this and you should be able to directly talk to it.
       Go on.
Marcus: Er, hello computer.
BOSS [in a very loud booming voice]: Durham.. you are an idiot.
Aidan: See, it knows you already. And look, I've even included a set of
       headphones for you.
Marcus: Headphones? They are very big.
Aidan: Er, they have excellent sound quality. A very soothing experience, or
       so I'm told.

[Aidan leaves the room]

BOSS: Durham, put on the headphones.
Marcus: Why?
BOSS: Because I say so, I am the BOSS.

[Marcus puts on the headphones, a glazed expression takes over his
 face whilst strange noises are heard]

[In reception a number of people have entered]

Alison: Good morning, how may I help you.
Mr Ford: Hello, we've come to attend the French Teachers convention.
Alison: Ah, yes, if you would just like to book in here then somebody 
        will show you to your rooms.
Mr Ford: Excellent, truly excellent.

[Meanwhile Alden is lurking in the undergrowth outside the main entrance.
 After a few minutes a large car pulls up and a small redhead gets out]

Alden: No, it can’t be. Not today!

[The small redhead walks through the entrance and into reception. She
 walks over to the reception desk]
Mel: Hello, I’m Mel Bush and I have a room reserved here.
Alison: Ah yes, Miss Bush. Yes, you are in the luxury chalet.
Mel: Oh goody! I’ll find my own way.

[She walks out of repection just a Marcus walks in with a glazed expression. 
Suddenly Alden bursts in]

Alison: Alden, but your dead!
Marcus: Oh gawd. Your not back again. Last time you died you were away for three months.
	Now I've got better things to do than to chat with halfwits. I am the boss and 
	ineffective inefficient workers will not be tolerated. Do I make myself 
	understood? Right, now I've got to speak to Pete.
Alison: Alden, theres something you should know.
Alden: What?
Alison: Your wife is here.
Alden: Er, sorry, I must have some sort of memory loss following my tragic death. I think
       I need a drink.

[Alden heads off to the bar]

[In the kitchen Marcus is talking to Pete]

Marcus: Right, to save money from now on all the Kitchen waste will be redirected.
Pete: To where.
Marcus: That is no business of yours. The process will be automated and carried out..
	by...by....by.
Pete: By whom laddie?
Marcus: That is no business of yours. Inefficient workers will be dealt with!

[In the bar Dai and Alden are drinking]

Alden: You see, I love her, but it all went wrong. She became bitter and turned to drink
       and before I knew it she was making my life hell.
Dai: You should go and see her.
Alden: I must speak with Aidan about the cloning machine first.
Dai: No, deal with the more important issue first!
Alden: OK.

[Alden walks out of the bar and through the Motel until he reaches the luxury 
 chalet. He opens the door]

Mel: Well, well. If it isn't Alden.
Alden: Er, hello dear.
Mel: Here take this.
Alden: Whats this?
Mel: Divorce papers!


[Theme music fades in]