Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[In the foyer Aidan is having a cup of tea. Suddenly three loud shots ring 
out from the direction of Alden's study. Aidan spills his tea everywhere.
He runs towards Alden's study. He enters and turns the lights on. 
He sees a gun on the desk and Alden laying on the floor. He picks up 
the gun to examine it. Suddenly Chuck and Alison run in from behind]

Alison: What happened?

[Aidan turns around to face them. He is holding the gun]

Chuck: Oh my God, Aidan has shot Alden!
 
[Theme plays and fades out]

Aidan: But it wasn't me!
Chuck: The evidence is damning! Alison. fetch security!
Alison: At once.

[Alison runs off]

Chuck: What spurred you on to commit such an evil act?
Aidan: I didn't do it, I was in reception when it happened. 
       You can ask Random.
Chuck: Hah, I can see it now. Both of you conspired to shoot Alden.
Aidan: I am not answerable to you. I am only answerable to Alden.
Chuck: Well that may prove difficult!

Alden [from the floor behind the desk]: Would it?
Chuck: Hah Aidan, you don't fool me! You shot Alden.
Aidan: Oh do shut up you simpleton.
Alden: Would someone help me up?

{Aidan helps Alden up]

Aidan: What happened?
Alden: Someone tried to shoot me.  But luckily I always wear
       a bullet proof vest.
Chuck: Ah, ah I see. You think you can fool me into thinking Alden
       is still alive, Therefore you would finally push me over
       the edge. Well you wont do it. Bwahaha.

[Chuck runs off laughing madly whilst skipping]

[Dave and Large enter, Dave kicks the door back (even though its
 already open) and jumps into the room.]

Dave: Freeze, Miami Vice!
Large: Freeze, 5-0!
Dave: No, no, I said we're doing Miami Vice this week.

[Alison runs up from behind]

Alison: Don't you think you are missing the point?
Dave: What point.
Alison: Look Dave, Alden has been killed.
Alden: No I haven't.
Large: Oy you, keep out of this.
Dave: I'm not called Dave.
Alison: Yes you are.
Dave: No, no, my name is Crocket
Large: And I'm Tubbs.
Alison: This gets worse.
Alden: Look, look, I'm all right!
Alison: Look, its Alden. He's OK.
Dave: But you said that it was Aidan who was shot.
Alison: No, it was Alden.
Aidan: Alden was shot. I heard the shots and came to investigate.
Alden: Look, we've got to find who shot me!
Alison: Hang on, if you are wearing a bullet proof vest, what's all that blood.
Alden: Blood, where? Arrgghh [Alden faints]

[Meanwhile, in reception the phone is ringing. Marcus enters, observes there 
is nobody at the desk and walks over and answers the phone]

Marcus: Good afternoon Bates Motel. How may I help you?...Yes we do.....
        Yes
[Tina enters, spots Marcus and walks over]
Marcus: Indeed.....yes we do....Wednesday?...Fine.. Your name....Mr
        Grayson.....Initial?...L...Splendid. Thank you bye.
[Marcus puts phone down]
Marcus: Alison, its getting cold in here. Could you shut that door?
Tina: I thought you had better know that Alden has been shot.
Marcus: Is that all. Look, could you shut the door please, that
        cold wind is playing my neck up something dreadful.
        And then you can mind the desk, as I've got to see somebody.
Tina: Yes, but who did it?
Marcus: Look, I cannot be bothered with that about the moment.
        I have an urgent appointment in London. I will be away
        for a few days. Now if you don't mind, I've got to go now.
Tina: I'm not minding the desk. Where's Random?

[Marcus walks off]

[In Aldens study Alden is coming around]

Alison: Are you all right? 
Aidan: Check his pulse.

[Alison takes Aldens wrist]

Alison: I don't want to worry you Alden.
Alden: Why?
Alison: Well, there's this slight technical problem......You're dead.
        You have no pulse!

[Alden faints again]

[In the kitchens Jason walks in]

Pete: Out out out laddie!
Jason: What are you doing?
Pete: I'm just putting a little white wine on this fish.
Jason: No, you don't put wine on a fish. You drink the wine!
Pete: Look, get out now!

[Jason walks off mumbling, he walks out into the foyer]
[Chuck walks up to Jason]

Chuck: Why are you not in the bar?
Jason: Because I'm in the foyer.
Chuck: Just get to your work. Dissidence will not be tolerated.
Jason: But he put it on a.......fish. He put it on a little fish!
Chuck: Just get to it!

[Chuck walks over to the door of Tina's office.
 He knocks and enters. Tina is sitting at the desk]

Tina: What do you want.

[Chuck walks in and sits down]

Chuck: I've had a change in priorities.
Tina: What do you mean.
Chuck: I've worked for you for several years, managing some
       of your most important companies.
Tina: And?
Chuck: Well, it occurs to ask you why I am employed here as
       nothing more than a common spy.
Tina: You should know better than to ask my reasons.
Chuck: But it has to be important...for you I mean.
Tina: Yes, it is. You wouldn't be here otherwise. 
Chuck: But I must know. I cannot carry on here much longer.
       The others are beginning to suspect.
Tina: Well, the attack on Alden went to plan didn't it.
Chuck: Yes, he is unhurt. The incident will merely disorientate him.
       Then all you need to do is gain control of one, or other,
       of the shareholders and this motel will be all yours.
Tina: Indeed.
Chuck: But I can make it easier for you, and remove any implication
       in this affair on yourself.
Tina: Do tell.
Chuck: You give me your voting rights on the board of directors.
       You then sit on the sidelines whilst I gain control of the Motel
for you.

[In Aldens study]

Alison: He's coming around.
Aidan: Does he still have no....you know.
Alison: Yes, he still has no pulse.

[pause]

Alden: What happened....I remember, I'm dead.

[Chuck enters]

Chuck: Is he OK?
Alison: Well technically speaking no. He has no pulse.
Chuck: Splendid, that makes him officially dead. And you are not
       allowed to have a seat on the board if you are dead.
       Tina has given me control of her shares. And with Marcus away,
       that leaves me to vote myself in as the new managing director 
       of the Bates Motel.

[Aidan, Alden and Alison look on in horror]

[Theme music fades in]