Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[The hat runs out behind Dai. Dai runs towards the others as the
Mr Blobby monster comes around the corner from behind them]

Alden: We're trapped!

[The hat and Mr Blobby both close in on the party]

Marcus: I really think this might be the end!

[Theme plays and fades out]

Marcus: Well, does anybody have any cunning plans.
Chuck: No.

[suddenly from around the corner comes a voice]

Soldeed: Lord Niiimon! Lord Niiiiiimon! Is that you.
Alden: Who's that. He looks completely insane?
Chuck: He must be a guest then.

[Soldeed taps Mr Blobby on the shoulder with his staff]

Soldeed: Lord Nimon, is that you?

[Mr Blobby turns to face Soldeed]

Chuck: Quick, run for it.

[The party run straight past Mr Blobby and Soldeed]

Soldeed: Lord Nimon, I have found you at last!

[Suddenly the Woolly hat of evil jumps onto Mr Blobby, Soldeed is 
knocked out as the two alien beings battle it out]

[Meanwhile Alden and Chuck are arrive at Alden's study, Alden opens 
the door and they both walk in]

Alden: Why aren't the lights on?
Chuck: Hang on, here's the light switch.

[Chuck turns the light on and reveals that Stephen is lying on the
floor]

Alden: Ah, now, we may have a problem here.
Chuck: Is he still possessed? More to the point. is he still alive?
Alden: Well, he seems to be alive. And I think we are about to find out
       about your first point.

[Stephen groans]

Stephen: Where am I?
Alden: Well, it depends on how you define where.
Chuck: You're in Alden's study. Do you feel OK?
Stephen: I don't know. I came to bring some tea to Alden and then
         I was attacked by this pink thing. Then all I remember
         is something about beards and loud jumpers.
Alden: Is that all you remember?
Stephen: Yes.
Alden: I need to speak with Marcus. Where is he?

[Meanwhile in reception Marcus and Aidan are sitting down]

Marcus: Well at least we got away.
Aidan: I suggest you check the security cameras to see what's happening.

[Marcus gets up and walks towards his office]

[Back in the corridor the Mr Blobby monster and the woolly hat 
of evil are still battling it out. Soldeed has recovered. 
He reaches for his staff]

Soldeed. Hat! How dare you attack the mighty Nimon! Take this!

[Soldeed fires a laser from his staff. It hits the hat. The hat falls to 
the floor lifeless. Mr Blobby turns to face Soldeed. Mr Blobby reaches 
out in an attempt to take a swipe at Soldeed]

Soldeed: Lord Nimon! But it is I. Soldeed! No, no get back. 

[Mr Blobby hits Soldeed in a manic rage]

Soldeed: Back, back! Get off, get off!

[Mr Blobby grapples with Soldeed. In the struggle Soldeed's staff 
is set off. A laser bolt fires from it hitting Mr Blobby]

Mr Blobby: Bloooooobbb!
Soldeed: But Lord Nimon.

[Mr Blobby falls to the floor and begins to disintegrate]

Soldeed: [kneeling on the floor in tears] My dreams of conquest!

[Meanwhile Marcus is in his office looking on via the security cameras]

Marcus: So that's out of the way.

[Marcus walks out into reception]

Marcus: Random, both Mr Blobby and the hat of evil are dead.

[Random pretends not to look shocked]

Random:[in a pretend happy tone] That is good news.

[Alison walks in]

Alison: Oh, it's getting hectic in there.
Marcus: In the kitchens?
Alison: Yes, Peter is in one of his moods.
Random: When isn't he?
Alison: He's insisting that he needs more work experience people.
Marcus: More, but he's had three this week already. What does
        he do with them?
Alison: I don't know. I think they all ran off.
Marcus: Well. it's not an issue for me. See Chuck, he can deal with
that.

[Alden runs in]

Alden: I think I know where the Mr Blobby monster has come from. It's
       the planet Edmunds, a sick and evil place populated entirely by
       bearded idiots in loud jumpers.
Marcus: Well that's irrelevant, it's dead now. So is the hat.
Alden: Excellent.
Marcus: Anybody for a drink before the bar closes?

[Fade out to a picture of the sun rising behind the motel. It is the 
early morning and Chuck pulls up and parks outside the Motel. He gets 
out of his car and walks through the entrance. In reception Random is 
sorting through the post]

Chuck: Good morning. Any appointments for me this morning?
Random: You ask that every morning.
Chuck: Well?
Random: And the answers the same every morning. No!

[Alden walks in]

Alden: Morning my dear.
Chuck: Alden, I didn't know you cared?
Alden: Not you, I was talking to Random.
Random: Sod off.
Alden: Only being my usual charming self.
Random: Oh stop blathering! You only have one appointment
        this morning, it's at 10am.
Alden: And who is it.

[Random turns the appointment book around to let Alden
 have a look]

Alden: But..but..but, she cannot be coming today! And why would
       she want to see me?

[Alden runs off in a panic]

Chuck: Who is it, who is it?
Random: Someone called Mel. Or at least someone claiming to be Mel.
        She sounded rather like somebody we know all to well.
Chuck: Who?
Random: The Motel's third shareholder....Although she is
        supposed to be missing, presumed dead.
Chuck: Third? I though Alden and Marcus owned the Motel between them?
Random: No, Alden owns 60%, Marcus owns 30% and our third
        shareholder owns 20%.
Chuck: But that makes 110%!
Random: I know. Only Alden could employ a solicitor who cannot add up! 
        Anyway, I doubt it's her. Although if it is, Alden is going to be 
        in real trouble!

[In the kitchens Pete is preparing the breakfasts. 
He is holding an egg, and is appears to be talking to it]

Peter: Och! You are all useless, useless do you hear me!
       Now do you want to behave yourself?

[Chuck enters]

Chuck: Morning.
Peter: Ach, and what would you know about it? You know how
       long I've been here? You know the last time I left
       this kitchen? [Chuck mouths along with what Peter is
       saying] 24 years! 24 years I have been stuck
       in this kitchen! Man and boy. Cooking, cooking and cooking!
Chuck: Do we need to go though this every morning?
Peter: And what would you know?
Chuck: Nothing, nothing.
Peter: Aye, and another thing, that new barman was creeping
       around in the night.
Chuck: Later, later.

[Time passes. In his study Alden is preparing for his guests arrival.
 Out in reception Marcus has arrived]

Marcus: Morning.
Random: What time do you call this, its nearly 10am!
Marcus: I can come and go as I please.
Random: We may have a slight problem. I have reason to believe that
        T....

[Suddenly a smartly dressed woman walks into the reception area from 
the outside. She begins to take off her sunglasses]

Marcus: Oh my God, its her!

[Marcus runs around behind the reception desk and hides. 
The woman walks over].

Woman: You, girl, come here.
Random: Me?
Woman: Here, this instant.
Marcus [from under the reception desk in a hushed voice]: Just do
       as she says and don't get stroppy.
Random [walks over]: Yes ma'am, how may I help you?
Woman: I have an appointment to see Bates. See to it!
Random: Yes straight away.

[Random scurries off in the direction of Aldens study to inform 
him of the arrival]

Woman [looking at the desk]: And Marcus, you can come out from
      underneath there.

[Marcus emerges from behind the desk]

Marcus: Ah, sorry, I was just checking the carpet for fluff.
Woman: It's some time since I was last here.
Marcus: Well given the circumstances of your departure Im not surprised.
Woman: I'm not here to cause trouble.
Marcus: Hah, your presence anywhere usually ensures chaos.

[Random re-enters reception]

Random: Mr Bates will see you now.

[In his study Alden is looking nervous]

Alden [to himself]: So, its the moment of truth. Hmm, perhaps she's
           come to ask me to marry her....No, that's silly,
           I've never met her. 

[There is a knock on the door]

Alden: Enter.

[Random Enters]

Random: A Miss Perrett to see you.

Alden: Hang on a moment, I thought you said Mel Bush was 
       seeing me at 10am?

[The Woman enters]

Alden:....T...T...Tina!
Tina: Yes, I think you know who I am.
Alden: But your dead!
Tina: Or so you thought, or even hoped. Well I'm back and I
      want this Motel, lock, stock and barrel!

[Theme Music fades in]