Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[Stephen is dragged into the study by Mr Blobby. The door shuts and
seconds later  painful screaming comes  from within the study]

Stephen: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh..........

[Theme music plays and fades out]

[In the bar Alden, Chuck and Marcus are still discussing important
issues]

Alden: Look, I disagree. I think small red-heads called Mel who scream
       alot are far more attractive.

[Suddenly Stephens scream rings out]

Chuck: What was that?
Marcus: We had better go and find out.

[They all run out of the bar]

[Meanwhile in Dai's shed]

Aidan: There's really not much we can do.
Dai: Well, we must be able to do something.
Aidan: There's nothing.......hang on a moment. Isn't the Green
       Woolly hat of evil still roaming the place?
Dai: Yes, it is. Alden caught it but it escaped. Dave said he
    thought it might be roaming the ventilation system.
Aidan: Hmm, and they call themselves security?
Dai: So basically we have two super-powerful alien beings
     roaming the Motel?
Aidan: Yes. And I think it may be time for a show-down.
Dai: But first we have to flush the Woolly hat out.

[Meanwhile in Aldens study it is dark. Suddenly a blinding light 
emanates from one of the walls. Mr Blobby and Stephenare standing 
at the otherside of the study. Stephen looks very pale]

Mr Blobby: Blobby blobby blob!
Stephen [in a stiff manner]: Indeed. There must be no delay... Transfer
                            must begin immediately.

[Outside in the corridor, Marcus Alden and Chuck are trying to
work out what's going on]

Chuck: How do we find out what's happened?
Alden: Well, Im not going in.
Marcus: I'll do it. Get out of my way.

[Marcus walks up to the door and knocks on it. He quickly enters]

Marcus: Hello. I was wondering if I could interest you in double
glazing?

[Stephen and Mr Blobby turn to face Marcus]

Stephen: WHAT?
Marcus: I was wondering if I could interest you in some double glazing?
Stephen [pointing at Marcus]: Destroy him. Destroy him at once!

[Suddenly Mr Blobbys eyes begin to glow orange. Marcus quickly jumps 
out of the way as Mr Blobby shoots two laser bolts from his eye's]

Marcus: I'll take that as a no then!

[Marcus quickly runs out of the study and shuts the door behind him]

Alden: So what's going on.
Marcus: Well, Stephens in there. And he doesn't look at all well.

[Aidan and Dai enter]

[music starts]

Alden: I'm Alden
Aidan: I'm Aidan
Together: We're two of a kind
Aidan: I post about PAL
Alden: And I lust after Mel

[music stops]

Chuck: Look, I hate to break up the fun, but I don't think this
       is the best place to be at this moment.
Alden: Lets go to the foyer.

[They all walk down the corridor in the direction of the foyer]

[In the foyer Random is back at the reception desk. Aidan, Alden,
Chuck, Dai and Marcus enter]

Aidan: I have a plan.
Alden: Yes?
Aidan: Well Dai says that the Green Woolly hat of evil is now roaming
       the Motels ventilation system.
Chuck: Well, that's what Dave says.
Aidan: So we lure it out and then let it and Mr Blobby fight it
       out to the death.
Marcus: And hopefully both will be destroyed right?
Aidan: Correct.
Alden: So how do we get it down?
Aidan: Well somebody will have to go in there to flush it out.
Aidan: Well we have to know where it is first.

[Random walks over]

Random: I might be able to help there. The guest staying in room
        316 has been complaining of noises coming from the air
        conditioning vents. Perhaps its the hat that's causing the
        noise?
Aidan: What's the name of the guest?
Random: Hang on a mo.

[Random walks over to the desk, checks the guest book and walks back
again]

Random: Its a Mr Green. Mr Neil Green.
Marcus: Excellent. Chuck, you go on ahead and get Mr Green out of
        that room. We will be along in a few moments.

[The reception bell rings and then a voice crys out]

Voice: Receptionist! Receptionist! It is I, Soldeed.

[Random walks over to the desk]

Random: Yes, may I help you?
Soldeed: In the name of the Second Skonnan empire, I have a room booked
         here.
Random: Your name?
Soldeed: It is Soldeed. Leader of Skonnos and servant of the mighty
         Nimon!
Random: Er, right Mr Soldeed. You are in room 666. I would get someone
        to show you to your room but we have already almost been
        destroyed by a sea monster today and now we are facing an immanent 
        alien invasion. I do hope you understand.

[Alison enters and walks over to the desk]

Alison: Can I check tonights resturant bookings please?
Random: I dont think they are here. Can you come back in 5 minutes..... 
        Actually, there's nobody free to show Mr Soldeed to his room.
Alison: I'll do it. Come this way Mr Soldeed.

[Alison and Soldeed exit the foyer]

[Over on the otherside of the foyer]

Alden: I suggest we call security in. They should be dealing with this
       sort of thing.
Marcus: I have an idea!
Alden: What?
Marcus: Lets go to the bar and discuss this over a drink.

[They all walk off in the direction of the bar. Meanwhile Random is
still at the reception desk]

Random [sighs]: Now what did I do with that restaurant booking sheet?

[She looks around and then walks off in the direction of the side
office]

[Back in the bar, Alden, Aidan, and Dai are sitting down. Marcus is at
the bar, and Jason is serving. Jason looks worse for wear and keeps on 
listing to one side]

Jason: Do you know, drink can really damage your sanity?
Marcus: No. Who told you that?
Jason: The little purple man who lives inside this matchbox.
Marcus: Ummm....really?....Anyway, can I order?
Jason: I don't know, can you?.....Barman! Barman, I would like to order
       a drinky woo for me and my mate Marcus.
Marcus: No, no, you're the barman.
Jason: Am I? In that case I suggest you sack me immediately?
Marcus: Dear me, good staff are so hard to come by
Jason: I shall be as sick as a dog in the morning.

[In the side office, Random is looking through the filing cabinet.
Suddenly there is a noise from one of the air vents. Random looks around.]

Random: What was that? 

[Suddenly the metal grille falls away. Random grabs one of Marcus's golf
clubs]

Random: I know what you are. Come out and face me!

[Suddenly there is movement from the darkness of the tunnels of the air 
conditioning system. Suddenly the woolly hat of evil leaps out of the
darkness]

Random: As I suspected. Why have you been hiding from me?
Hat: Pheep pheep pheep pheep.
Random: Remember, you are my creation and you will obey me and only me!
Hat: Pheep pheep pheep.
Random: Here are your orders. I want you to let them release you from
        the air conditioning system in order to kill the Mr Blobby monster.
Hat: Pheep pheep.
Random: And once you have done that there is one further job I want you
        to do.
Hat: Pheep?
Random: I want you to destroy Marcus!

[Theme music fades in]