Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.
If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho
[Suddenly there is a noise and then the boat starts moving violently, Marcus
and Alden hurry above deck to see what’s going on]
Alden: Wha...wha..whats that? Its must be 200 feet high. It looks like a sea
monster, it’s a bloody sea monster.
[Alden screams]
Marcus: Look, its heading for the motel. They’re all doomed. Doomed!!!
[Theme music plays and then fades out]
Marcus: Well that’s the insurance scam sorted. Lets go below deck and have a
drink whilst the monster gets on with it.
Alden: What? You mean that’s it?
Marcus: Yeah. I arranged it with this bloke, Ken Retsam. He said he could
summon a sea monster to destroy the Motel........For a price. A price
that may solve our second little problem.
[Meanwhile the sea monster closes in on the Motel]
[In the Motel foyer things are getting busy and Random is on the phone]
Random: Look, I don’t care if you've been locked in your room for two days.
If you lose your key that’s not my problem. Now sod off you
timewaster!
[Random slams down phone]
Chuck: What’s that noise outside.
Random: We'd better go and have a look.
[They all run outside while Ken Retsam cackles madly in a corner. He then
follows them]
[Outside the Motel the sea monster is looming large]
Random: Its massive!
Stephen: What is it?
[Ken Retsam steps out of the shadows]
Retsam: It’s a sea monster. Its name is Kroll, and he...or rather it, is
under my command. For I am not really Ken Retsam.
Random: Who are you.
Retsam: [laughs] Certainly not Miss Companion. [Talks to himself] Bugger,
that’s not right.
[Retsam pulls at his face to reveal its really a latex mask]
Retsam: I am the Master and you will obey me!
[Chuck creeps up behind the Master]
Random: Oh I don’t think so somehow....Now Chuck!
[Chuck grabs the Master in an arm lock. There is a struggle]
Miss Allison: Quick get him inside the Motel. He dare not have it destroyed
whilst he's in it.
Master: You fools, you fools! You will all die for this!
[Back on the boat]
Alden: But you cant destroy the whole Motel now, my entire life’s work is
in there. My dreams of conquest!
Marcus: You know what I always say, no point doing tomorrow what you can do
today.
Alden: [Shakes his head] I know I know. But with my plans so near.
Marcus: Now shut up and drink up. Then we can watch the Motel being destroyed.
Alden: What’s it up to anyway. It seems to be waiting.
[Back in the Motel, In Aidan's cupboard Aidan is hacking away at the clone
machine. He places a plant to one side of the machine. He then hacks away at
the keyboard. There is a whooshing noise and an identical plant appears on
the other side of the machine]
Aidan: Ha ha, success.
[In the Foyer Chuck, Stephen, Random and Allison have the Master tied up]
Random: Now you had better stop that monster as if you don’t I'll make sure
it destroys you as well.
Master: Foolish girl. Your threats are empty, I am the Master and you will
obey me.
Chuck: Er, shall I fetch the mind probe?
Master: No...No! Not the mind probe! I'll tell you everything. I'll stop
Kroll, just untie me.
Random [points to Chuck]: Do it, but keep him under control.
Chuck: How?
Random: Tie one of his hands up. You can hold the other end of the rope.
[Chuck unties the Master]
Master: Quick, we must get outside.
[They all run outside. The Master then pulls a device from his pocket,
presses a button and Kroll sinks back into the sea.]
Chuck: Right, we had better call Dave in security to deal with the Master.
[Back on the boat]
Alden: What’s going on. The Monsters gone back into the sea.
Marcus: Don’t worry, it’s all under control.
Alden: Oh no it isn't, its swimming away!
Marcus: We had better get back there this instant.
[They run off to their respective cars and drive off at speed]
[In the foyer the Master is tied up, Dave Stone walks in]
Chuck: Ah Dave, we have a little problem for you.
Dave: Ahh, the Master.
[Dave leads the Master away into the corridor]
Dave [leading the Master]: You really don’t learn do you?
Master: Neither do you!
[The Master turns around and hits Dave over the head. Dave falls to the floor
and the Master runs off laughing through a fire exit]
[Back in the foyer Alden runs in]
Alden: Is everybody OK.
Random: Well you're screwed up as ever...Where were you when all of this was
happening.
Alden: Don’t be foolish. You should know better than to ask questions of me.
[Marcus ambles in]
Marcus: Ahh splendid, everything's intact. Anybody for a drink?
Random: No everything is not OK.
Marcus: Splendid, that’s what I like to hear. Happy workers means a happy
Motel.
Random: Do you listen to a word I say?
Marcus: Excellent. Keep up the good work.
[Marcus walks off in the direction of the bar]
Alden: Now you all have work to do. I’m going to my office to plan something
not at all evil or very cunning.
[In the bar, Marcus walks in. Chuck is standing at the bar drinking a large
Scotch]
Chuck: Well that was a close one. Who would of thought it. The Master turning
up again.
Marcus: Indeed.....What are we doing about the job of chief barman?
Chuck: Alden is interviewing somebody later on today.
Marcus: Ahh splendid.
[Back in Aidan’s cupboard Aidan is continuing to experiment with the cloning
machine. Suddenly the door opens and light streams in. A figure stands in the
doorway. As Aidan’s eyes adjust it becomes clear that the figure is Alden.]
[music starts]
Alden: I’m Alden
Aidan: I’m Aidan
Together: We're two of a kind
Aidan: I post about PAL
Alden: And I lust after Mel
[music stops]
Alden: Any success?
Aidan: Yes, I have succeeded. I have succeeded where generations of humans
have failed. I have created a machine that will put me up among the
Gods. A machine that will give me ultimate power!
Alden: You mean it will give me ultimate power. Not you!
Aidan: Er yes.
Alden: Now show me!
[Aidan places a Mr. Blobby CD on the machine. But a tiny spider scuttles onto
the CD. Aidan hits the cloning button. There is a whooshing noise. Then nothing
happens]
Alden: You have failed me!
Aidan [pointing]: Look!
[A pink haze begins to appear by the cloning machine]
Alden: What is it?
Aidan: I’m not bloody staying in here to find out!
[Aidan runs out of the cupboard]
Alden: Come back!.....Hang on, come to think of it I don’t want to hang around
either!
[Alden runs off locking the cupboard door behind him. He then runs out into
his study and replaces the bookcase that conceals the door. He then sits down
at his desk.]
[A few minutes pass and then there’s a knock on the door]
Alden: Come in.
Jason: Hello, I've come to apply for the job of chief barman.
Alden: What experience do you have?
Jason: Well.....er...I drink.
Alden: Well that’s good enough for me. You've got the job.
[Suddenly there is a crashing sound from behind the bookcase.]
Jason: What’s that?
Alden: Er..ummm...it’s the dishwasher.
[Suddenly there is more crashing.]
[Chuck runs into the room]
Chuck: What’s that?
[Suddenly there is a final breaking sound. The bookcase shudders and a large
pink hand reaches through. The pink figure crashes through the door brushing
the bookcase to one side]
[Alden screams, Jason hides under the desk]
Chuck: By jingo! What is it?
Pink Figure: Blobby blobby blobby!!!!!!
[Theme music fades in]
