Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

[Ken Retsam walks up to the mirror. He pulls at his face. He begins to pull 
it away. It’s a latex mask. He is revealed to be The Master]

Master: Bwahahahaha. The fools, I am the Master and they will obey me. 
        Yes, they WILL OBEY ME!!!!

[Theme music plays and then fades out]

[Meanwhile, in his study, Alden is sitting at his desk. There is a knock at 
the door.]

Alden: Enter.

[Random enters the room.]

Alden: What’s up.
Random: Well you know me, I’m not one to tell tales.
Alden: But your going to anyway hmmm?
Random: Me? Little me? Huh, as if I’m some power crazed nutter who wants 
        Marcus's job and will do anything to get it!
Alden: Yes, as if.
Random: Well, you see it’s like this. Marcus has run off to the coast to 
        see his boat.
Alden: But the hotel is on the coast
Random: Ehhh, yes, I knew that.
Alden: So what your saying is that Marcus has gone a mile down the road to 
       see his boat.
Random: What me? I didn’t say anything, er... bye.

[Random leaves the room in a hurry]

[Alden reaches for his hat and coat]

Alden (to himself): I think its time Marcus and I had a word. She's got to 
                    go.

[In reception Chuck and Stephan are talking]

Chuck: Is it me or is something strange going on here.
Stephen: There's always something strange going on here.
Chuck: Well what’s wrong with Mr. Bates at the moment.
Stephen: He's a power crazed megalomaniac?
Chuck: No, that’s normal.

[Suddenly Alden runs past and through the door to the outside. He jumps in 
his car and drives off]

Chuck: Now that’s not normal.

[Random walks in]

Random: What do you two think your doing. Standing around talking, there 
        are customers to be served!

[Chuck and Stephen look around. The reception is empty]

Chuck: Er yes.

[The phone rings, Random picks it up]

Random: Hello Bates Motel, the West Midlands top source of quality board 
        and lodgings.

[pause]

Random: What do you mean we're in Bournemouth. Read your script you idiot!

[Random slams the phone down]

[Down at the quayside Marcus is attending to his boat, Alden pulls up in 
his car and gets out]

Marcus: Hi Alden, what do you want
Alden: I've come to discuss certain aspects of the hotel staffing.
Marcus: Come aboard.

[Back in reception Dai the mad gardener enters]

Dai: Hello boyo!
Random: I’m not your boyo. No go away you disgusting nasty little Welshman.

[Miss Alison enters]

Miss Alison: What’s up Dai?
Dai: Miss Alison, Miss Alison, Miss Random's being nasty to me isn’t it?
Miss Alison: You go back to your shed and have a cup of tea, Random and 
             I are going to have a word.

[Dai walks off]

Miss Alison: What’s up Random?
Random: I’m feeling surplus to requirements.

[Suddenly Ken Retsam (The Master) enters]

Random: Ahh Mr. Retsam, how can I help you.
Ken Retsam: I wish to speak to Mr. Durham.
Random: Well he will be back shortly.
Ken Retsam: Excellent, excellent. Bwahahahahah.

[Meanwhile on Marcus's boat]

Marcus: So that’s the plan. Very efficient. Just how I like it.
Alden: Don’t bank on it being easy, things go wrong just when you least 
       expect them.

[Suddenly there is a noise and then the boat starts moving violently. 
Marcus and Alden hurry above deck to see what’s going on]

Alden: Wha...wha..whats that? Its must be 200 feet high. It looks like a 
       Sea Monster, its a bloody sea monster.

[Alden screams]

Marcus: Look, its heading for the hotel. They’re all doomed. Doomed!!!

[Theme music fades in]