Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.

If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho

Man: Hello, I’m Ken Retsam.
 
[Theme music plays and then fades out]

Random: Do I know you from somewhere?
Ken Retsam: Probably, I do get around a bit. I’m Ken Retsam.
Random: Hmm, right Sir, you’re in room 13.

[Meanwhile in the Dining Room]

Chuck: Miss Random? Miss Random?
Stephan: Stahlman, what have you done?
Stahlman: Its simple, he touched the green stuff of doom [TM], therefore he is 
          condemned to a life of being a Benny.
Stephan: You thoroughly evil cad!
Stahlman: Yes I know.

[Marcus walks in]

Stephan: Marcus! Marcus, what shall we do?
Marcus: Well I don’t know about you, but I’m off to see my boat.

[Marcus walks out the door as Alden walks in]

Alden: What’s going on.

[Chuck gets up, he is still wearing the woolly hat]

Alden: Chuck, what’s that on your head. Remove it at once
Chuck [in booming voice]: No mortal, you shall not remove it.
Alden: No, no, I shall.

[Alden reaches over; there is a struggle. Alden wins and removes the hat]

Chuck [in normal voice]: Wha..wha...what happened.
Alden: Your mind was taken over by the green bobble hat of evil. But you’re 
       safe now. Look, here it is in my hand.

[Suddenly the hat bites Alden, he drops it and it scuttles off]

Alden: Damn, its escaped. [aside] and with so much of my plan in place.
Chuck: What do we do know.
Stephan: We wait for it to surface.

[Meanwhile outside Marcus is getting into his car (A blue Lotus)]

[Random runs out of the Motel.]

Random: Marcus, where the hell do you think your going?
Marcus: I’m going to my boat. Goodbye

[Marcus starts car up and drives off at speed]

Random: Stupid fool. I could do his job.

[In Alden's study]

[Alden enters, shuts the door and locks it. Alden goes over to the bookcase 
and opens up another secret door. Aidan steps out.]

[music starts]

Alden: I’m Alden
Aidan: I’m Aidan
Together: We're two of a kind
Aidan: I post about PAL
Alden: And I lust after Mel

[music stops]

Aidan: Do we have to do that everytime?
Alden: Yes... How's the clone machine?
Aidan: I've almost finished it. It’s not very good I’m afraid. Its slow, 
       pedantic and keeps on going wrong. I’m calling it the Green Sue mk1.
Alden: I don’t care about your silly names. Will it work
Aidan: It’s hard to say. The Green Sue will only run 3.11 of the Cloning 
       software.
Alden: Damn, you know what that means!
Aidan: Yes, the possibility of a group of fault clones. The main fault being 
       that they all will have Newcastle accents!
Alden: It’s too late to fix the problem now. Phase two starts tomorrow! 
       Get back in your cupboard and finish your work!

[Meanwhile in Room 13]

[Ken Retsam walks up to the mirror. He pulls at his face. He begins to pull 
it away. It’s a latex mask. He is revealed to be The Master]

Master: Bwahahahaha. The fools, I am the Master and they will obey me. 
        Yes, they WILL OBEY ME!!!!