Hello and welcome to the Bates Motel the West Midlands top source of quality board and lodgings. Alden Bates is the owner. Random's the receptionist whilst Stephen is the Head Waiter. I'm Marcus Durham, the hotel manager, shareholder and general smooth charmer. David Lewis is playing Dai the gardener, and Alison will be taking the part of Miss Alison. Tina J Perrett owns a stake in the Motel. Dave Stone is the security guard and Chuck is the resturant manager. Also Peter Goddard is the big hatted Caledonian head chef. There's also an array of other wonderful characters who work at the motel.
If you enjoyed Crossroads, loved Triangle, adored Howards Way and are a Doctor Who fan you will love this soap. It stars the occupants of rec.arts.drwho and uk.media.tv.sf.drwho
[Random picks up phone]
Random: Hello, Bates Motel.
[Theme tune plays]
Random: Yes Sir, we do have vacancies...of course. Your name?...Ken...Retsam.
Yes Sir, the room will be available from 1PM.
[Random puts phone down]
[Stephen runs into reception]
Random: What’s up?
Stephen: That bloke with a beard is insisting that he digs a hole in the
middle of the dining room floor.
[Random picks up phone]
Random: I'll call for Marcus, he's supposed to be in charge.
[Meanwhile in the dining room]
Stahlman: Hah ha, 3 hours to penetration zero.
[Marcus, Random and Stephen burst in]
Stahlman: Get out, get out now you blundering fools!
Marcus: Er, my dear chap, would you mind explaining what’s going on?
Stahlman: I’m drilling to the center of the Earth to find a new source of
power.
Marcus: Here, in the dining room?
Stahlman: Yes.
Marcus: Fair enough.
[Marcus ambles off in the direction of the bar]
[Chuck walks on, quickly realises that this isn't his cue, and quickly
disappears]
Random: Marcus! Come back! Bugger....Mr. Stahlman, would you please stop
drilling at once!
[Chuck walks on]
Chuck: What’s going on?
Random: Mr. Stahlman is drilling a hole
Stephen: What’s that green stuff?
[Chuck walks over to the drill head from where the green stuff is emerging.
He pokes a finger in it and then examines it]
Stahlman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Chuck: Well its a bit late now!
Random: [screams] Chuck! What’s that growing on your head!
Chuck: What! What!
Stephen: It looks like....a green woolly hat!
[Chuck collapses and Random and Stephen look on in horror. Stahlman cackles
madly.]
[Meanwhile in Mr. Bates study, Mr. Bates emerges from a door. He has a grin
on his face. On the wall behind Mr. Bates desk, there is a large picture of
a strangely familiar red headed girl. There is a knock on his study door.
Bates quickly replaces the bookcase that conceals the door from which he has
just emerged]
Bates: [in a very fake English accent] Enter.
[Dai the gardener walks in]
Bates: Ah, Dai, have you completed the job I asked you to do for me?
Dai: Well boyo, yes and no. Pobel Y Cymro S four c larwellifarryangiggs.
Bates: All I want to know is have you found her? And cut the Welsh nonsense.
You’re not Welsh, you’re as English as I am. Well, almost.
Dai: Well, she's going to be arriving to stay at the hotel next week.
Bates: And you know what to do when she's here.
Dai: Yes boyo, I am aware of your intentions.
Bates: Excellent. And remember, your Welsh OK David?
[Meanwhile, back in the dining room, Chuck is coming around]
Random: Are you all right Chuck?
Stephen: It'll be a lorra lorra laff's.
[Chuck abruptly wakes up and gives Stephen an evil stare, he than lapses
back into character. He is still wearing the green woolly hat]
Random: Look he's coming round.
[Chuck sits bolt upright]
Stephen: Are you all right?
Chuck: [in a soft westcountry accent] Who am I?
[In the distance we hear the reception bell ring]
Random: I had better go and see who that is.
[Scene cuts to reception where there is a smart man with a beard dressed
in black wearing dark glasses and simply oozing evil. Random runs into the
room and stops in her tracks looking horrified.]
Theme music fades in.
Man: Hello, I’m Ken Retsam.
