From: Jonn Elledge Subject: ADRICS 2000 - Cuddliest Poster Award! Date: Thursday, 11 May 2000 11:33 ::hurries on to stage in great panic, having arrived several hours late for the ceremony:: Shit! ::no applause greets him:: Sorry I'm late I had play stuff to do... Er... Second night you know, you know how it is, and then I hate to see a man about a... Oh dear... Plus, I couldn't find Snarky's introduction to this award and... Oh nooooo... ::pats pockets looking for golden envelope:: Erm... I don't suppose anyone knows who won? ::notices illiterate scrawl written on his hand:: Oh arse. ::squints:: Hi, yeah, most of you people will know me as Jonn Elledge, a few will know me as a guy with less Ns in his name than that, and the rest have no clue who I am because I've barely been posting recently. Those are the people who mean the most to me, because I haven't offended them yet. Oh Ed, put your trousers back on, we've all seen it before. Er... I'm the joint third most popular guy to join this newsgroup last year... Honestly... So, yes, the cuddliest poster award. Who will win, I wonder... ::attempts to decipher scrawl:: Apparently it's Qimu. No that can't be right. ::suddenly amazing revelation, pulls envelope out of sock:: Right. Here we are. Who is the cuddliest poster on RADW. ::sulks:: Well it's not Jonn "Spiky bastard" Elledge, apparently, noooo, I don't even get nominated do I... Ungrateful gits. ::pulling self together:: The nominations are... Snarky, the famous cheese impersonator, and his glittery assistant... Little Snarky Orinocco, the only man ever to be voted most likely to spend three weeks picking up litter on Wimbledon Common Helen Fayle, whose Minestrone soup is famed throughout Bristol Nyctolops, the sexiest user of a dinosaur (?) screen-name in the whole of Christendom and a man who needs no introduction. Anyway, in reverse order... Honourable mentions go to: Gillian Walker, Erin Tumilty, Paul Cornell, Susannah Tiller, Mags Halliday, Innocet, Adam Richards, John Pettigrew, Ed Jefferson, Keith Brookes, Bernice Tomka, Mark Ayres, Rufus T. Firefly, Karen Inskip, Matt Michael, Erica. 4RD RUNNER UP Helen Fayle and her amazing singing mice! ::ominous silence, God I need some new material:: 2ND RUNNER UP Nyctolops and Charles Daniels, in a tiebreaker! ::applause at the lack of jokes; confidence up a bit:: 1ST RUNNER UP Snarky! Hey, has anyone else noticed that he keeps coming so high in all the good prizes, our beloved host? Why I ought to- ::cut off by applause:: And the winner is... Oh hell, you know who the winner is, by a process of elimination. Just come and get your prize, Orinoco. Anyway, my legs and I are off to get drunk now, and I'll see you in the next one... ::silence:: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? ::leaves to heckles about bad jokes, old material, flies undone etc.:: Well, at least Azaxyr didn't win, like a certain person wanted.... A Jonn Elledge Award Ceremony