From: Subject: ADRICS: BEST THREAD (sorry for the confusion) Date: Thursday, 11 May 2000 18:51 ‘So, so, so’, said the lady, quilt between her legs, staring blankly at the stars. The patio doors were open. The night sky acting as a neutral backdrop to the evening’s entertainment. Her husband, Will, peers above his copy of the TV Times. ‘I can’t understand it. They’ve replaced “One man and his dog” with Doctor Who. It’s not the first time. And just when we were going to find out if that one-legged Collie was going to make it over the wall and get those sheep through the gate. Pure drama that.' ‘But, dear, you know the dogs always complete the course. Whatever drama there is there is always a happy ending. The sheep get home and the dog lies down panting.’ ‘Sometimes they chew grass’ ‘Only if they have indigestion from too much Winalot.’ Will puffs out his cheeks. Realising he has too much air to hold he blows it out again. ‘You don’t understand. It’s all action and adventure. It doesn’t matter if the dog always wins. It’s how he does it that is important.’ ‘Variations on a field with a gate and a wall? Must be very inventive collies to have lasted so long.’ ‘We’ve opened a book on this one. I’m set to win five pounds if ‘Dismembered’ makes it through to the semi-finals’ ‘I thought you had your money on ‘Nostalgia’?’ ‘Got knocked out in the eighth round. Fell down a pothole. Very messy. Long plop and no rope’ ‘That’s a shame’ ‘They sent Stevens after it but it came back in pieces’ ‘Shame’ ‘I wouldn’t mind, but the next round will be shown before the one with ‘Dismembered’. Bloody typical. Will have to ring up the BBC to get the result’ ‘Hmm?’ mumbles the lady, reaching for a ragged patch called TARDIS blue. ‘It won’t be in order. It won’t make sense.’ He sniffs wondering why his wife never feels the chill. ‘That’s a bother’ ‘You’re telling me’. He sniffs again for effect but there is no sign of the patio doors being closed. ‘No. I seem to have misplaced my TARDIS’ ‘Oh. Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. It’ll turn up. Stick in that Krynoid patch. Mark likes that one.’ ‘But it will be too close to the Meddling Monk mosaic. I did that with his quilt last year. I have to shift the patches around otherwise he won’t know which year the quilt was made in. It’s important to him.’ ‘Couldn’t you just lose the quilt, find it again, re-wrap it up and present it as new? I’m sure he wouldn’t notice. We could put the money you save aside to get a few sheep for the lawn’ ‘You have a Flymo for garden maintenance, dear’ said the lady reaching for something that was a paradox in itself if anyone had bothered to notice. ‘I don’t know why you indulge the boy. What he needs is a good sheepdog and a clutch of sheep. Less space and time and more sheep’. Heavy-handed with the remote control, Will startles himself as the television ‘poofs’ into action. ‘Where is he now, then?’ The lady picks up a needle and thread. ‘Upstairs’ ‘Not on the Internet again’ ‘What would you have him do? Play ‘Sheep Pen’ on Nintendo?’ ‘Good game that. Do you know I am almost whistle-class?’ ‘So?’ ‘And that’s another thing. It’s all you ever do woman. Lots of patches and lots of threads. You spend each evening for a year making a quilt and just when you’ve finished you start all over again. What’s wrong with a pullover or some knitted socks for a change? You’re just putting the patches in different positions. Don’t you get bored?’ The lady smiles. ‘It’s not the patches that are the most important thing. They just give the base to keep the threads together.’ Will does not understand. Besides, he is thirsty. Or distracted. Or bored due to the absence of sheep. ‘Cup of tea?’ ‘Each thread has a name, an identity, a life of its own’ ‘You been on the Drambuie again? Perhaps we should have coffee’ ‘There are "Death to Iris Wildthyme", EDA arcs, Interference threads,"OT - taking the plunge","EVERYONE IN RADW, FUCK YOU!","I slept with one of the companions", "The Rasputin-Master Connection","This Week In Doctor Who", "To Adam - what act of fellatio equates with Snakedance?"threads which are all honourable, and threads to do with "The Doctor's Origins SOLVED:, "Am I the only womble here?" "Warm Gallifreyan Nights" (about April or May 99) (aka Ed Stradling -v- the sad fat women), Xmas Squid jokes and this thread etc.’ which it is impossible to decide between so I call them my second threads. ‘Tea?’ Repetition is one of Will’s few comforts. ‘But there is always change, dear. I save my coins in a bottle that I hide in the house. Every year I pop down to the local Haberdashery and buy a new thread and this thread I call my golden thread of the year. I use this thread on each corner. It keeps everything together and it keeps everything alive. This quilt will always be the same for Mark, however much I move the pieces. You are right there. But on the fringes, there will always be something to remind him of change. The beauty of change. The passing of another year with just a hint of difference.’ Mildly intrigued but still thirsty, Will watches as the lady threads her needle. ‘So what is it? What is the golden thread?’ The lady sighs. A deep sigh. A sigh built of too much sewing, patchwork and quilts. A waiting sigh. A hopeful sigh. ‘I call it…Flexihistory” A pause from Will before the revelation ‘Not as interesting as sheep.’ The lady looks blankly at the stars desperate for a glimmer.