From: Bradley Keith Willis Subject: ADRICs 2000 Best Round-Robin Chapter Date: Thursday, 18 May 2000 9:51 [Interior ADRIC Awards Ceremonial Hall] [The crowd watches the stage impatiently. There is a steadily- increasing current of exasperation running through the audience as the scheduled presenter, BKWillis, persists in his absence. Suddenly, four young women appear in midair and tumble grace- lessly to the stage. As they stand and dust themselves off, they are seen to be the cast of 'Mystery Psycho Theater 3000': MISTRESS HELEN (a tall, auburn-haired bombshell in a black leather catsuit); DIANE (a pretty blonde wearing an elaborate yellow-and-green military dress uniform with shoulder patches showing a blue star on a red shield); NYSSA OF TRAKEN (with her brown hair pinned up and wearing a low-cut blue evening gown); and NUMBER ONE in female form (a short, well- endowed redhead dressed in a black tuxedo). A nameless FLUNKY runs out and hands NYSSA an envelope and statuette, then exits. ALL look out at the audience, all except NUMBER ONE smiling.] HELEN: (sultry) Hi, sweeties! Aren't you glad to see me... I mean, see _us_? [Most of the males in the audience (and a few of the so-inclined females) shout, "OH, YEAH!"] HELEN: I thought so. [winks and licks lips] DIANE: [waves] Hi, Doug! NYSSA: We have an announcement, everyone. Due to unfore- seen circumstances, Mr. Willis in unable to present the 'Best Round-Robin Chapter' award tonight... NUMBER ONE: (sourly) He's in a Tequila coma. NYSSA: ...and so, Adric has asked us to fill in for him. Natur- ally, we jumped at the chance to do this... NUMBER ONE: (sourly) Because Adric said if we didn't, our next torture session would be a Davros/Yoda S-and-M porno fanfic. DIANE: (to NUMBER ONE) You're _not_ helping, fem-boy. [whaps NUMBER ONE on the head] NUMBER ONE: (to DIANE) Bite me, weaselette. NYSSA: ...and if my fellow-presenters will kindly shut their pie- holes for a moment and let me speak, we'll get on with it. [pause] Good. Now, as everyone knows, the Round-Robin stories are adventures written in the form of an improvisational group effort, with a different writer handling each chapter, the whole thing being overseen by a Moderator who acts as a sort of producer/ referee for the project. DIANE: (to NYSSA) If everyone knows all that, why are you telling them? NYSSA: [grinds her teeth and glares at DIANE] HELEN: (to DIANE) This isn't a fanfic session, sweetie. You don't need to heckle everything you hear. DIANE: (sheepishly) Sorry. Force of habit. NYSSA: _Anyway_, writing in this format presents unique chall- enges for an author. He has to set up situations that subsequent writers can exploit to the story's advantage. He has to adapt his ideas to fit the continuity of preceding chapters. And the last author has to make it all make sense. So, tonight we honor the works that have best showcased the virtues of the Round-Robin style. NUMBER ONE: (quietly) ...and avoid having to read about Yoda showing Davros the 'Other Side of the Force'. NYSSA: (to NUMBER ONE) I'm going to start hitting you in a moment, and I probably won't stop for quite some time, if you don't (shouting) SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE! NUMBER ONE: (to NYSSA, meekly) Sorry, sorry. NYSSA: And now, the nominees for 'Best Round-Robin Chapter'... DIANE: Crossover Internet Adventure #3, 'The Osiran Legacy', Chapter 1, written and moderated by K. Michael Wilcox. [A screen lights up behind the girls showing a picture of Bernice Summerfield and Indiana Jones both looking up at a pyramid.] HELEN: Missing Internet Adventure #16, 'Planet of Relaxation', Chapter 5, written and moderated by that same adorable little K. Michael Wilcox. [Another picture appears next to the first, of the Fourth Doctor lying down and staring goggle-eyed at a topless young woman, her chest concealed by her long, blonde hair.] HELEN: [looking at picture] Rrrrowl! Who's for a haircut, then? NUMBER ONE: Internet Adventure #19, 'Burning Flies', Chap- ter 1, written by Renton Patrick and moderated by Rebecca K. Dowgiert. [A third picture appears, showing the Eighth Doctor and a band of gaunt, ragged soldiers crouching in a pit, staring fearfully at an ominously large swarm of flies.] NYSSA: And finally, Missing Internet Adventure #15, 'To Outsit Eternity', Chapter 1, written and moderated by K. Michael Wilcox. [One last picture appears, showing a well-dressed man kissing Zoe on the hand, a sad and wistful look on his face.] NYSSA: And, the winner of the award for 'Best Round-Robin Chapter' is... [NYSSA tears open the envelope with her teeth. ALL lean in to read it.] ALL: Internet Adventure #19, 'Burning Flies', Chapter 1! DIANE: Congratulations to Renton Patrick and Rebecca K. Dowgiert! HELEN: Hurrah, sweetie-pies! Hurrah! Good job! NUMBER ONE: [shrugs] Yay. NYSSA: [holds up statuette] Would the winners like to come collect their prize before I smash its little head off in a fit of mis- directed rage at the Alzarian twerp who has made my life into a true living Hell? DIANE: (aside, to HELEN) She's not a happy bunny. HELEN: (aside, to DIANE) Do you think it's a bad time to remind her that it's her turn to cook tonight? [As they wait, NYSSA begins viciously choking the Adric statu- ette.] DIANE: (aside, to HELEN) _You_ remind her. ----